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Title: REAL prayer needed for my kids and I Post by: TigerLily on November 20, 2007, 12:48:16 PM I Have been debating posting this since i came back to CU.. for a few reasons..
1. I really truly dont want to look like im looking for pity or just complaining /whining whatever... 2. Some of ya'll know my situation and i dont want to be repeating stuff.. 3. Its hard for me to open up and to explain what i need prayer for it will take some back ground and talking about it.. But here goes cause I am really honestly in need of prayer.. I left my ex husband in April of this year.. and am now a single mom of 2 boys 7 and 14.. I am primary caregiver and am so far living with NO childsupport cause he is refusing and till my mandatory 1 yr of seperation is done (April 08') T'ill then I cant fight for it.. (yes he will have to pay back time) but he is planning to do anything and EVERYTHING to get out of it, no matter what he thinks it will take.. He has accused me of stealing his money (which is ludacris,.. the reason for this accusation is he wouldnt give me $ for groceries for weeks at a tiem and so I had to write some checks from OUR joint account so that my kids didnt go without.. many times i ate very little so my kids would have enuff>> but he denies that and calls it "me stealing' from HIM..) My marriage was an abusive one.. some physical, ALOT mental and emotional.. called so many names Ex.. stupid, dumb, brainless.. idiotic, slut. whore B****h etc etc etc.. was demeaned and told how bad i was at everything , mothering, housekeeping,.Wifely...... , fat, ugly..way below average, good for nothing.. etc etc... He was more interested in watching nudity and pornagraphic stuff then being a "faithful" husband in the marital bed..sigh... umm..we lived 22 feet from his parents and he was very much a daddys boy.. his parents knew more about our life then I did.. about everything.. He opened his (OUR) own buisness roughly 5 yrs ago.. and i helped and such with it but recenly found out he put the buisness in his fathers name in attampt to keep me from getting any of it or anything.. (my lawyer said he has likely did it illegally so not sure whats gonna happen there) there was physcal abusive stuff.. shoveing (hit once) throwing stuff at me.. punching walls etc etc.. my oldest son defended me and ended up very nearly getting hit from him, and thier relationship is awful.. he favors my youngest and treats my oldest like crap.. really bad,, and talks horridly about me to him (1 ex... called me a whore while talkin to my oldest on the phone..) anyways.. there is MUCH MUCH MUCH more but no sense in getting into anymore.. things are still bad between us.. calls and does things.. has said horrible stuff about me to people.. I found out that for years now he has been telling people that I really have good health and that I just am on medication for the junkie quality and that I am lazy and always just laid around watching TV etc,, (all lies) (for any that dont know this,, I have Fybromyalgia in the worst degree all 18 points.. I have the beginnins of rumatoid and austio arthritis. I have a sister desease to Fybro that causes lots of pain( sorry the name has left me) Fybro myalgia cause extreme 24/7 chronic pain.. crippling.. etc.. if want to know about it google it.. theres alot to it, its a all around horrible thing, causes deprssion etc, its physical mental and emotional disease.. and It cause IBS and with it you get chronic Fatigue syndrome.. so he was denying this and saying I was just waning to be on medication to get a high(which i dont get from the narcotics im on simply cause the pain level is to high.. the medication barely takes the edge off the pain..) OK so all that to say,, I am living off very little money thru assistance from the state..trying to give my 2 boys a good life.. stress of this seperation and pending divorce and trying to be a single mom , responsible for EVERYTHING.. with no help from thier father at all , causes the pain level to spirial sky high and but beyond that I am asking for prayer for wisdom.. to know how to deal with everything.. kid wise and divorce wise etc.. and something I didnt expect to happen.. cause I was just so desperate to get out and away, was the dreams and the triggers and dealing with and trying to over come 15 yrs (how long i was married) of abusive stuff, when night falls and the house is quiet, everything comes crashing in, and I was not expecting for the sadness and overwhelming guit of seperating the kids from thier dad,, and of a failed marriage and trying to beleive Im NOT what he told me i was for so long.. to try to beleive I deserve better etc,, trying to undo 15 yrs of all that is soo hard.. and please.. please done think im whining or complaining.. etc, im stating a fact.. its terribly hard to Not beleive that he was right about me.. and to beleive that I can be a good mom to my boys..etc, plus to know how to deal with everything that goes with being a single mom to a preteen and a teen, and to deal with thier issues from the speration.. and with my oldest to deal with how dad is treating him,...etc So please pray for me and the kids.. for wisdom,, strength , courage.. healing physically,mentally and emotionally for me and the kids and $ wise.. i only get a monthly check of 849$ from assistance.. thats not very much when theres 2 kids and a house and car to take care of..but I know God will take care of us, I really am sorry for this being so long.. its just hard to explain without giving some background info.. I try hard to not normally complain and or talk about things much... Thank u for your patience in reading this and for all your prayers.. luv and hugs Tigerlily.. Title: Re: REAL prayer needed for my kids and I Post by: Soldier4Christ on November 20, 2007, 01:13:52 PM I do somewhat understand what you are going through healthwise. I have been diagnosed with FMS myself even though i am sure it is the Gulf War Illness (symptoms are the same). With all of the health problems it is difficult.
As for the guilt that you are feeling, sister, it is not guilt that you are responsible for. He is the person that caused the separation, especially so between him and his children. It is he that needs to do something to correct that and it is nothing that you have control over other than to pray about it. Be assured that you are being prayed for and I am sure that others here will join me in those prayers. Title: Re: REAL prayer needed for my kids and I Post by: TigerLily on November 20, 2007, 02:20:38 PM Bro.. I am so sorry to hear of your health issues.. dealing with pain etc is just so hard to handle when having to deal with the everyday issues of life..((((hugs))))
The guilt and the overcoming the negative things said about me is really so very hard to deal with..I thank u for what u said.I will try to get myself to beleive the truth in it.. I dont mean that i think your lying,, what i mean is to try to beleive in myself that what your saying is how it is..I just look at my boys and think should I have left or should I have tried to bear it and go thru things till they got older or whatever.. but truth is.. I dont think I cuold have went thru any or much more then I did..blahhh I dunno, everything is overwhelming, I usually just try to put it in back of my mind to deal with just when I am alone and try to just let my sense of humor and of course God get me thru each day.. anyways,.. thank you for your prayers.. I do truly appreciate it very much.. luv and hugs michelle Title: Re: REAL prayer needed for my kids and I Post by: Soldier4Christ on November 20, 2007, 03:14:25 PM I do understand what you are saying. It is hard to believe when such things have been pounded into your mind. I am sure though that in your heart you do already know the truth of the matter and it was that truth that has led you to where you are now. It was not good for you or your children to live in such conditions. Your children need to know what true love is, not to learn those things that are in opposition to that. Much of this learning is in what they see and hear in their daily surroundings.
Sister, I am sure that you will do just fine with the help of the Lord and friends. Title: Re: REAL prayer needed for my kids and I Post by: HisDaughter on November 20, 2007, 03:16:10 PM Hi Tigerlily,
I know exactly where you are coming from. I am a survivor of domestic abuse myself. Physical, emotional, verbal, etc, etc. I have been out of that situation for many years now but it was hard. After so many years of abuse it is hard not believe the horrible things that have been told you and kept you down for so long. Never feel bad about sharing with other Christians, the struggles that you are going through. Someone else may be going through the same thing and you could be comfort to each other. Others, like myself that have been there, done that maybe able to give you their loving shoulder. Still others are here to pray with you and for you. I was fortunate enough to get some very good counseling and of course the longer I've been away from it, the stronger I have become and the wiser. Who ever said, "Sticks and stones will break my bones but words will never harm me" didn't have a clue as to how very hurtful and damaging words can be. I know that things seem overwhelming and impossible right now but one promise I clung to for dear life is: "For I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord. Plans to prosper you and not to harm you. Plans for a hope and a future. (Jeremiah) God knows exactly what your struggles are right now, and what you need physically and more importantly (even if it doesn't feel like it) emotionally. God loves you and your children with a never-ending love and loves you like no other could or ever will. Trust that knowledge. Reveal in it! Feel His protective arms of love around you. Spend quality time with your kids. At the end of the day are your kids going to be happy that the dishes are done or that they feel the love of their mother? Take it one day at a time and don't "future trip". God is in control and that's all you need to know. Don't drive yourself crazy with worry. I know that is easier said than done. But give it to God as many times as you think about it. Be there for your kids and let them be there for you! Tigerlily, I really do know what you are going through and you will be in my prayers daily for this. If I could I would hug you and rock you right now. Just believe that you are loved and that all those nasty things that were said about you are not true and consider the nasty, ugly source that they came from. What goes around comes around my dear. God makes sure of it! (http://i169.photobucket.com/albums/u236/msnoodle_2007/36.gif) (http://i169.photobucket.com/albums/u236/msnoodle_2007/36.gif) (http://i169.photobucket.com/albums/u236/msnoodle_2007/36.gif) Title: Re: REAL prayer needed for my kids and I Post by: Shammu on November 20, 2007, 06:41:59 PM Michelle, I know most of whats going on, and you are in my prayers. If you need sister you have my email address, you can email me at anytime.
I also know about the pain from fibromyalgia, and osteo-arthritis. Your right, it isn't any fun. I use laughter to help ease my pain, I go through everyday. One thing sister don't forget, God loves you as you are. In the eyes of God, you are His creation. Title: Re: REAL prayer needed for my kids and I Post by: TigerLily on November 20, 2007, 10:30:27 PM Pastor R.. Your right, I know somewhere down very deep that I shouldnt beleive the lies and crap that was pounded into my brain.. but i guess its the over coming of it and such thats a real battle.. thank u for your prayers and concern. it as always means alot to me..
DW.. your a dear, precious friend and I appreciate your concern and prayers and knowing that your praying for me and that you are tehre for me is a comfort... Ya know, sometimes a person meets certain people and it seems so hard to beleive that outta the millions and millions of people on the WWWeb that you met up with the particular people you do.. but I truly beleive that God brought me to CU many years ago and I beleive He placed people in my life , like ya'll knowing what I was gonna go thru ect..and its the same for everyone.. aint it? God definitley has his hand on me and has most definitley guided me to meet the people i have on here.. I thank u for all you have done and been for me thru your friendship on here.. GrammyLuv.. Your words meant so much to me.. I am so very sorry that you went thru the stuff you did and that ya had to endure the hell that u did.. ((((hugs))) but I am ever grateful for your post and for your prayers and friendship to me..It means more then words can say to know that there are people out there praying and backing me up etc.. cause , as im sure ya'll know.. when a person is going thru things this rough, there are times when u feel like u cant pray.. and you feel like you cant go on,you feel alone,, and even sometimes you feel like God himself has left ya (tho I know He never does.. but it can feel that way at times) Its so good to know there are those that are out there praying and holding me up when maybe without ya'll and God.. i might not be able to stand on my own Quote Who ever said, "Sticks and stones will break my bones but words will never harm me" didn't have a clue as to how very hurtful and damaging words can be. Your absolutley right. I used to think when things were being said that it be easier if he'd just hit me again or whatever , but in reality the physical effects you in a mental and emotional way as well.. makes u begin to feel like you deserve it and that your just exactly what you been told u were..My kids are my life... I do my best to not show how bad i feel and or how low im feeling etc I try to spend as much quality time with them as I can.. but its when they are asleep, and the house is quiet and you go to bed alone (cause i find that even tho it was a bad relationship.. you got used to there being another person connected to you , and thats been ripped from ya as well..) so the quiet , lonesome nights are horrid..Im not the type of person that enjoys being alone, I want to be in a loving relationship and know that there is someone that loves ME.. and thats there for me and that I can return that to..tho , im not entirely sure of what that would feel like since the marriage was not that kind of one.. blahhhh anyways.. that Hug you mentioned would sure be great.. I spend alot of time reading and or on the computer or watching tv at nights to make it so im as tired as i can be so that when i go to bed I will go to sleep relatively fast..so's not to do to much thinking when laying there alone.. Again. thank u to ya'll for your words of love and kindness and your prayers.. Luv and hugs Michelle Title: Re: REAL prayer needed for my kids and I Post by: David_james on November 20, 2007, 10:53:20 PM I don't think I can add anything except to say something about that monster, but I won't.
Sister, I pray for you and your kids. ((hug)) Title: Re: REAL prayer needed for my kids and I Post by: TigerLily on November 20, 2007, 10:56:43 PM David_james
thank u my friend for your prayers.. and as for saying soemthing about 'him' aint likley anything i havent thought myself, thats not to good of my likley i know.. but hard not to think things.. and ya know.. I get angry with myself for allowing myself to be treated that way for so long, but i cant go back and change the past i guess.. can only go ahead in life.. again thank you very very much! hugs Michelle Title: Re: REAL prayer needed for my kids and I Post by: nChrist on November 21, 2007, 12:12:23 AM Hello TigerLily,
Sister Michelle, please stop worrying that you're whining or complaining. You've given us some specific information so that we will know how to better pray for you. I knew quite a bit about your health problems because we've shared before and been praying for each other for a long time. I also understand the thoughts and worries about whining and complaining because I also have the never ending pain and disability to deal with. I many times feel guilty when I mention it, but it's hard not to do when you live with something day in and day out. Instead, I try to concentrate of the joys and riches in CHRIST. This helps me the most. I know that we even shared information about certain medications that might help because we have some of the same symptoms and types of pain. I only knew you were going through some problems in your marriage and had no idea things were that bad. I will use this information to better pray for you. I'm glad that you shared with us because I know that many on the forum will be praying for you. I don't know very much about the law in Canada. If I did, I would share whatever I could to try and help you. It doesn't sound like things are even close to what they are here. All I can do is pray for you and promise that I'll share any information I find that might help you. I know that this doesn't do anything to help you right now this day, but I also know that GOD loves to hear our prayers. GOD still does as HE pleases in Heaven and on earth. I'm sure that it's also hard to get your mind off of the way that you've been treated. Please do remember that you're never alone - GOD is with you. Please also remember that you are a Child of the KING OF KINGS. I am certain that putting GOD first in your life right now is the best first thing to do. Lay things at the feet of JESUS, pray, pray, and pray some more. Please don't feel guilty about asking your friends to pray for you. Ask all of your Christian friends to pray for you. That is part of our love for each other as Brothers and Sisters in CHRIST. Sister Michelle, I know this doesn't give you answers for big problems that you are going through right now, but waiting on the LORD is many times part of our faith. We love GOD, and we already have HIS Promise that HE will work everything out for our Good according to HIS Perfect Will for us. GOD may also use this situation to draw you closer to HIM and give you strength that you don't imagine right now. Sister, you've talked about the abuse and other things that you've suffered for a long time. I'm praying that this works out to be a very positive change in your life. Sister, please pray about letting GOD have complete control over your life. GOD can do anything, and HE does on a frequent basis. In the meantime, we'll be praying for you. Love In Christ, Tom KEEP LOOKING UP!! Title: REAL prayer needed for my kids and I Post by: TigerLily on November 21, 2007, 09:34:11 AM HI Tom..
I know i been talkin with you but I wanted to reply to you on here to... I truly appreciate you and your prayers and encouragement.Your advice is taken and I know In the area of giving it to God and not trying to take it back constantly is an area i really need to work hard on.. It isnt easy to give it and leave it cause it seems that I just do so and thensoemthing else happens and there I am taking it on again, so your right I do need to work on it.. about teh complainig and whining, your right, seems like im always worried that pple are gonna think "ok enuff michelle we knoooooowwww your hurting were praying yada yada yada.. and will get tired and such of me asking for prayer and or mentioning cause im sure you know what I mean when I say theres always pain and always dealing with it but then there are reallly BAD days (for me a certain food will trigger a real major flare up or weather,, a change in it, or dampness or severe cold or even to hot... rain.. etc.. weather is a BIG issue.. or stress.. if soemthing happens with the kids or bills or my ex etc it sends the stress level up which send the pain level up, so there are days when u feel like u need a little extra prayer but man I hate to mention it .. but maybe thats my pride.. hmmm most likley eh?!! About my marriage and posting some of it here.. honestly what is posted is just kind of a summury to have it so that ya'll know more directly how and what to pray for.. It was and isnt easy for me to talk it out here or anywhere (cept my parents.. of course)cause I have had even a few of my own family members that know things are true.. that turned on me and denied and said I deserved it and that my ex didnt get the dredit and the good he deserved and that I was lying and etc.. soo to them it was POORRRR _______ (him) and ok yeah I know Im certainly not perfect and wasnt likley the easiest person to live with but I havent lied about any of it.. as I said to my mom,. why would I think it neccesary to lie and add things to the story that is my life.. the truth is bad enuff..so having family and some people i considered a friend turn on me.. makes it hard for me to trust in not getting the proverbial "slap in the face" as they say... Anyways.. again thank you to everyone that praying and thats replied.. i have read and reread your posts,, it is truly encouraging to me!! Luv and hugs Michelle |