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hi it is gina and yes god does answer prayers.  as some of you know my husband and i had seperated, but now he has asked to come home.  he ended the relationship with the other person and has promised not to hurt me like that again( first time he has promised me this ever).  he has met with the pastor of our church and last sunday walked to the front of the church during an alter call to rededicate his life to the lord.  i have been praying and knew if it was god's will then he would make it happen.  i kknow that we have alot of work ahead of us  and that we both have to work on forgiving one another for past mistakes.  thank you all for praying for me thru this time that satan had a hold on my husband.  just keep on praying that satan loses his battle to hold on to my husband and that god will give him the strength to move on and work things out for him.  thanks and god bless.

in god's unending grace,

gina

Yes, I will keep you both in my prayers.

Oh Gina, I am so happy not just for you and your children, but for your husband too.

 I too am going to keep you all in my prayers.

Amen to that.  Things have just begun and continued prayers will flow.  God is good and yes all prayers are answered in His time and to the good He sees.  I am so happy to hear this news. 

That's right GOD is faithful and true and will never go back on HIS Word.

Joh 14:13 And whatsoever ye shall ask in my name, that will I do, that the Father may be glorified in the Son.

help, he is starting to back slide, his friend has not stopped emailing him, and he hasn't told her to stop either.  i pray daily for him, he knows that if he sees her at all, that i will ask him to leave.  that i can not be put thru this again.  he said he was allowing her to email him so that he could make her feel the hurt that he felt from her.  i said two wrongs don't make a right, and you should stop playing games.  he says he feels guilty that she is alone, i said you shouldln't because she was planning on leaving her husband before you got involved with her, so she was going to be alone anyway.  i am so confused by him.  he hasn't seen her yet.  he gets mad at me that i bring her up in our conversations, i said i do because you kept her a secret and i was blindsided by her, and i don't want to be blind sided again.  i live daily with the fear that he will leave again, that he will come home from work and say he has chosen her again over me.  i try and not to let the fear run my life, i turn it over to God daily.  i think he wants me to say he can go back to her and that i will be okay without him.  but i love him with all my heart.  maybe i am being selfish by wanting him for myself and not letting him go be "happy" with someone else.  just pray for me ok.

gina

My prayers are with you both, gina.

Gina I will continue with the prayers.

May I suggest getting rid of the Internet access.  If he has no access he cannot get email.  I know that we will not get to talk to you but you can go to the library and update us :)

I would also talk with the pastor and have him involved as well.  Maybe further nudging is needed.  And maybe the threat of you leaving him instead of fearing him leaving you is needed as well. 

Either way continue to pray that God's will be done.  And leave it at the alter for Jesus to handle.

brother jerry, he has internet at work that he has access to.  he is on a work committee that he chairs, so he needs emails to talk to others on this committee.  she is on this committee with him.  that is originally how they met.  he has a meeting today, he says i have nothing to worry about. but i am still worried.  just keep on praying that god will direct me on what to do next.  i love him with all my heart.

gina

Gina I will pray.  Put your trust in God and He will work things out in His time and according to His will.

Ah the good ole days when we used to call people and write letters....LOL

yeah the good ole days, who still write letters now a days.  it is so simple just to sit and type at the computer.  i do have a question though, i have written an email to this other person, it is not a very nice email, i did not call her names, but told her what i thought of her and the situation she and him have created, now do i send it.  i have written before and not sent them because i just needed to vent and let things out before i took them out on my kids or someone else who didn't deserve it.  i know if i do send it, he will be mad at me because he is always trying to protect her from me, i was never allowed to upset her or contact her..  i have prayed about this and i don't know if god is saying yes to send it, or if it is just what i want?  thanks for praying...

gina

Some times it is best if we let sleeping dogs lay. As much as you have been hurt over this situation we must also remember to do as the Bible tells us,

Col 3:17  And whatsoever ye do in word or deed, do all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God and the Father by him.

That includes such times as this.

thank you, i will keep praying for god's direction in this situation.  i told him i wanted a relationship with him, i just did not want to co-exist with him, co-habitat with him.  i want to be involved in his life and i want him involved in mine.  right now he sits on the couch trying not to look miserable because he says he misses her so much.  he saw her yesterday at his committee meeting and said when he came home yesterday afternoon he was fine with being here, but as the day wore on he didn't want to be here but stayed.  he said he saw the difference in his feelings for her and me.  he still says he does not love me.  that he only loves her.  that he never really had any room in his heart for me ever.  but he says he is hoping by spending time with me that things will change, but i asked him how that works when he still won't really let go of her.  i am so confused, i just keep turning to the lord in pray for help in this.

god bless those who are praying for me

gina

Hi gina,

Do you both have someone locally that you can get counselling through togethere? A good Christian marriage counsellor that you both would feel comfortable with. I strongly suggest that you seek someone like this out if you have not already done so. I am sure that all here are very glad that you are coming here for support, which we all are glad to give and will continue to do so, but I think that you need someone on a more personal basis that cannot be given on any forum and it needs to be done with both of you together. Your husband may reject this idea at first but I would assure him that if he is really earnest in wanting his marriage with you to work that this is something that needs to be done.

Neither one of you needs to be in this turmoil nor to be going back and forth over this. It is not helping either of you.

What PR said.

A good pastor or councilor is in need. 

Amen. Brother Roger, and Brother Jerry.

Gina, this may not sound like something you might want to hear, but if he is lusting after her so much as to keep you in these emotional chains, he is not just committing adultery, but he is also committing emotional abuse. This is very unhealthy for you. Physically and spiritually.  Emotional abuse is just as bad as physical abuse.
You didn't mention if he has started to go to church with you or not. But if he is not willing to get some marriage counseling from the pastor, than you should go by yourself.

I am praying for you on this matter Gina.

he goes to church with me on sunday mornings, since he has come back he has gone one sunday night, and two wednesday nights.  i asked him last night if he would go talk to the pastor and he said he would think about it.  i then asked him if he would go with me to talk to the pastor and he said we'll see.  so well i just keep on praying that god is in control of my life and he knows what is in my heart.  thanks for praying for me.

god bless,

gina

help, i didn't let sleeping dogs lie.  i asked earlier if i should email this lady or not, well i did this morning.  first i talked to him, and told him that he had to make a choice.  he was still having contact with her, emails, text messages adn a couple of phone calls.  he has told me that she was trying to fix things so that they could get back together.  i said this morning if you are waiting for her again you have to go back down to your mom's and get a lawyer, or if you decide to be here then there has to be no contact with her.  i said how many chances did you give her, and how many did i give you, he said lots.  but then i said you really haven't given me a chance.  i can't go on like this anymore.  being hurt for almost two years is long enough.  so he went to work and i sat down at this computer, and re-read her emails that she had sent me.  i got even more mad and upset.  so i called him at work and asked him to tell me not to email her, and he said i don't want you too but i can't ask you not to because she contacted you too.  so i let him go and prayed and then i sent it to her.  well she emailed back and said she wasn't going to read it, and that he would tell her what it said.  i emailed back that he couldn't i just emailed it to her.  she emailed back quote"he does now!!! i just forwarded it to him, i am on the phone with him now".  so he read it, and now is mad at me for a couple of things i put in it, that he did not want her to know about. like that he spent the night with me after my nephew's funeral and that we did something that night.  she had asked him if he had and he lied to her and told her no.  i told her the truth, i was fed up with him and her and tired of him always asking me not to tell her things to protect her from things, nobody protected me from them, not even myself i allowed him to use me when i shouldn't of.
so now he is mad, and right at the moment i don't care.  i am fed up, he has crushed my spirit i don't know how many times.  he says i did it for pay back, but i did not, i am just tired of always hurting, and him putting her first all the time.  i know i probably screwed this up for me and him to fix things but he did not want to commit to me because he was waiting to see if she could fix things for them to be together.  i am not sorry for sending it, and i told him i will not back down from this, that i finally got my back bone.

pray for me, that i did the right thing, that he will finally see what his decisions to do me.  that i had to do this for me.  i am tired of being walked all over by the both of them.

gina

All I'm going to say is divorce him. He has hurt you long enough

I see nothing wrong with your giving him a choice and carrying out on it. It is indeed senseless to continue in any other manner.

Gina, unfortuneately, I can relate to where you are.
Please do not be offended by me saying so, but you are being dragged into a game you cannot win.  You need to set your boundaries, have NO contact with HER, and realize he is enjoying your engaging in the game.  You will not win by playing, and the only way to "win" is by setting boundaries, sticking to them, and RESTING in the PURE, UNADULTERED love that Christ has for you.  This is no fun, it hurts ALOT, but these are his choices.  Do not let his sinful choices bring you to a place where you become bitter and resentful.  The ripping apart of a marriage being painful?  YES, AND IT SHOULD BE!  But this is not by your doing.  These are his choices, and he WILL be held accountable for them.  Let him.

I'm praying for you, Sister.

hi thank you all for your prayers, things are not good right now.  he spent the night, i slept on the couch.  he is trying to decide if he should stay or go once again.  i told him he could stay if he could be a husband to me the way he should be, and if he can give her up.  he says he doesn't think he can give her up.  and he doesn't know if he can treat me the way he should.  i said that is because you are all consumed with her, she pushed me out of your heart and now she is trying  to push me from your life.  i said you have some feelings for me or you would not have any trouble leaving this time.  but he doesn't want to look at them because of her.  she emailed me a nasty email, but i know that it was just in rebuttal to mine i sent her.  mine was almost 2 years of anger that i never got to direct at her.  i have been having migraines over this, and as soon as i sent it, all the tension left my body.  i prayed before i sent it too, so i know both helped.  he says this time he is finding it hard to leave because he feels like he is leaving his kids this time.  i think that is because he knows he is leaving because of her this time, because of his feelings for her.  i asked him to go talk with our pastor or another male friend and he wouldn't go.  i said they might have a different perspective than i do.  they are not in our sitution, they are not a female.  they understand male thinking more than i do.

just keep on praying that god will direct this matter. thanks for being there for me.  sometimes it is easier to talk to strangers and not face to face per say. 

gina

Was just wondering how you are doing, Gina.

i am struggling, we talked and talked on saturday.  but not really about anything, sunday i went to choir practice, and he called me there, said he had talked to her and that she was going to back off for her, that the email i sent her bothered her, that she did not leave him alone to give me a chance.  i told him i wanted him to make the decision not her, not me.  he does not want to make the decision.  he then came to church for the evening service, we came home but made a stop at the local corner store for some munchies.  we came home and he went upstairs and i was putting the things away that we got, and our neice and nephews were over with their dad.  they asked where was he at and i said he went upstairs, i thought he was changing, but then i realized that he had on work clothes, so i went upstairs to change and he was on the phone with her, in our bedroom.  i went and sat on our stairs and cried a little.  he came out of the room, and i said this isn't going to work she couldn't even last 3 hours.  how is she going to back off.  i asked him what was more important, spending time here with us and his extended family, or spending time with her.  he said truth and i said yes, he said it is close.  he doesn't want to leave because he missses things here, but when he is not with her he misses her.  he wants to be able to date her and come and go as he pleases here.  i told him that does not work.  i told him this morning before he went to work that i can't do this if she is involved.  i wanted him to choose, so he would not come back at me that i made him choose.  that i made him give her up.  i asked him also if he wanted me to ask him to leave, and he said not really.  i just don't know anymore.  i had prepared my self that he was going to leave again.  i am just doing alot of praying.   i told him that when we talk and i close my eyes for a few minutes that i am praying, praying for him and for me that i will say the right things to him, also to think things through. 

i am so thankful for my home church praying for me, and for all of you praying for me.

in christ's abiding love,  i know jesus loves me, but i also need the physical love, someone to hug me, someone to hold me, someone to share my life with.

gina

Gina, I understand.  My heart is with yours on this whole situation, and I am praying.  Please know you are not alone.  These are very normal desires that God has given us women.  We are designed to be protected, and when our protector does not do as he should, those desires do not just go away.  But God CAN and WILL minister to you as you poor all your needs on Him. 

Praying, praying, and praying more.........

thank you for that.  himall4,  i don't have love in my life, i don't get it from my family, my parents are out for themselves and always havee been.  they don't know how to love.  my father is a user, and i try not to be like him, and i know that with jesus in my life i won't be like him. i will be like jesus.  i strive to be like him.  i thought i had love with my husband, i knew there was something wrong years ago, and then things seemed to change for the better.  he says they didn't but they did.  i know my kids love me, but that is a different kind of love.  i am very insecure about love and my self.  i sometimes think i don't deserve to be loved by anyone.  but i know that is my low self esteem talking and i try not to listen to it that often. 

gina

Gina, your value is immeasurable.  You need to understand how much love God has for you.
I know you just don't feel loved, and I know you don't feel worth being loved, but you need to understand God's love needs no explaining.  It makes no sense to human minds, we none of us are worth it, yet it is REAL.  Please do not measure your value through the eyes of those who are around you, but only through God's eyes.  In Him alone will you really be able to understand just how valuable you are.
You know, there is something about His timing that I've been having my eyes opened to, and I believe I've been blessed to have found this site so I could just tell you how much love I have for you as a Sister, how much I want to be able to help bear your burden.
This is not a life we live in a vacuum.  We do have an impact on others, and what you are going through can be turned over to God for Him to use in order to bless another.
These are not just words.  I have to believe my experiences will be used to help others, and you need to believe the same. 
May God's abiding love rest on you in ways you could never imagine.  That's my prayer for you.

hi! gina ,i have been reading your cry for help .and it will come with time i suggest that you ask God to change your way of thinking for this situation,and when in your time of meditation,maybe  you can ask yourself ,"where do I come from,?" if you know the answer to that, then you will know were you are going. and the change in your situation will take you there.and I pray to God in Jesus our Lords Name that you will find some peace in your heart, one day at the time for changes will comme ,God will be on time for you ,Gina keep your eyes on christ He will come through for you.God is bigger than your problem let go for a while a little bit at a time in Jesus ..

thank you both for what you have said to me.  i know god loves me.  i really do. and i know i matter to him too.  and yes i am trying to turn everything over to him.  and not to worry about things.  too much.  i told my husband this morning that i want the truth, even though it hurts that i am none hiding from it.  and the truth is he wants to leave but is scared to because he says it is the kids, and i told him it is because he can get not guarantees from his friend that she can put him first in her life.  and he doesn't want to be alone
he admits he has some sort of feeling for me, but he does not want to explore it for some reason.  i am hanging on to him, and he is trying to hang on to her.
i admitted to him today that i am alot of debt, and i don't know how i am going to get out of it.  i told him some of it was his fault because he made it hard to go to him for money if i was short. and some of it was my fault because instead of turning to food for comfort i turned to shopping.  which was wrong.  i tell myself now that if i can't pay cash then i can't have it.  and now save all my small silver and roll it up to have a little extra money for things.  i said how do you think i afforded christmas, the kids birthdays.  i babysit in my own home, i love it, i don't make alot of money but it pays the bills, just.  so there was never enough money for extras, so i used credit, stupid of me wasn't it.  he said we will go into the bank and remortgage the house and pay off my debt.  i said just another excuse you will use to leave.  that you will be mad at me for.  i just don't know what to do anymore, i just keep on praying and talking with you here on cu, and also my pastor's wife she has been a great support to me.

gina

Gina, I truly feel for you, the pain I read in your messages is deep and severe.  I will pray for you. 

It is time for your husband to make a decision.  He has let his lust overtake him for too long.  I can almost assure you that he does not LOVE this other woman, but only lusts after her physical being.  They call it the "honeymoon stage" which can last years.  This is the fun part of any relationship where everything is still new and exciting and you feel the butterflies all the time.  This will not make a relationship last.  What makes a relationship last is love, communication, trust and respect.  If he is not willing to give you what you need in a relationship, I suggest you tell him to leave.  Let him file the papers.  Give him a decent amount of custody since he says he'll miss the kids.  You will always love him.  I can't tell you how many of my friends are in this same situation of yours.  I can't say it will be easy or that you'll fall in love with another, but God will fill those holes in your heart and you will be okay.  That's all I can truly say because that's His promise.

Amen..God is faithful and He hears the cries of His children and all He does is perfect even to answer at the perfect time...