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The Relationship of Marriage
by
C. H. SPURGEON
(1834-1892)


© Copyright 2003 by Tony Capoccia.  This updated file may be freely copied, printed out, and distributed as
long as copyright and source statements remain intact, and that it is not sold. All rights reserved.

Verses quoted, unless otherwise noted, are taken from the HOLY BIBLE: NEW INTERNATIONAL VERSION
©1978 by the New York Bible Society, used by permission of Zondervan Bible Publishers.


“Return, faithless people,” declares the LORD, “for I am your husband.” [Jeremiah 3:14]


These are delicate words—a good medicine for a troubled conscience. Such remarkable comfort is intended to encourage the soul, and put the brightest hope on all of its prospects. The person to whom it is addressed has an eminently happy position. My dear believer in Christ, tonight satan will be very busy with you. He will say, “What right do you have to believe that God is married to you?” He will remind you of your imperfections, and of the coldness of your love, and perhaps of the backsliding state of your heart. He will say, “Why, with all this about you, can you be presumptuous enough to claim union with the Son of God? Can you venture to hope that there will be any marriage between you and the holy One?” He will speak to you as though he were an advocate for holiness, that it is not possible that someone like you could really be a partaker of so choice and special a privilege as being married to the Lord Jesus Christ. Let this suffice for an answer to all such suggestions: the text is found addressed, not to Christians in a flourishing state of heart, not to believers on the Mount of Transfiguration with Christ, not to a spouse that is completely pure and lovely, and sitting under the banner of love, feasting with her lord; but it is addressed to those who are called “faithless people.” God speaks to his church in her lowest and most wretched condition, and though he does not fail to rebuke her sin, to express grief over it, and to make her grieve over it too, yet still in such a condition he says to her, “I am your husband.” Oh! it is pure grace that Jesus should be married to any of us, but it is grace at its highest pitch, it is the ocean of grace at its flood-tide, that he should speak in this way of “faithless people.” That he should speak words of love to any of the fallen race of Adam is very strange and wonderful; but that he should select those who have behaved treacherously to him, who have turned their backs to him and not their faces, who have been unfaithful to him, although, nevertheless, his own, and say to them, “I am your husband;” this is loving-kindness beyond anything we could want or imagine. Listen, heaven above, and admire, earth below, let every understanding heart break forth into singing, yes, let every humble mind bless and praise the condescension of the Most High! Cheer up you poor weak hearts. Here is sweet encouragement for some of you who are depressed, discontent, and all alone, to draw living waters out of this well. Don’t let the noise of the enemy keep you back from this refreshing well. Don’t be afraid lest you should be cursed while you are anticipating the blessing. If you trust only in Jesus, if you long for the once humbled, now exalted Lord, come with holy boldness to the text, and whatever comfort there is here, receive it and rejoice in it.

To this end let us carefully consider the relationship, which is here spoken of, and diligently question how much we are actually acquainted with it.

I. IN CONSIDERING THE RELATIONSHIP WHICH IS HERE SPOKEN OF, you will observe that the relationship of marriage, though very much like family, is not one of birth.


1. Marriage is not a relationship by blood or by a common ancestor.

It is contracted between two persons who may, during the early part of their lives, have been entire strangers to one another; they may scarcely have looked at each other in the face, except during the few months that preceded their wedding. The families may have had no previous acquaintance; they may have lived on the opposites sides of the earth. One may have been rich, and in possession of vast domains, and the other may have been poor, barely able to make ends meet. Genealogies don’t regulate it: differences don’t hinder it. The connection is not of natural birth but of voluntary contract or covenant. Such is the relationship, which exists between the believer and his God. Whatever relation there was originally between God and man, it was stamped out and extinguished by the fall. We were aliens, strangers, and foreigners, far off from God because of our wicked works. We therefore had no relation to the Most High; we were banished from his presence as traitors to his throne, as condemned criminals who had revolted against his power. There could be no communion between our souls and God. He is light and we are darkness. He is holiness and we are sin. He is heaven, and we are far more analogous to hell. In him there is consummate greatness, and we are puny insignificance. He fills the entire universe with his strength, and as for us, we are the creatures of a day, who know nothing, and who are easily crushed like the moth. The gulf between God and a sinner is something terrible to contemplate. There is a vast difference between God and the creature even when the creature is pure, but between God and the fallen creature—oh! who is he that can measure the infinite distance? There was only one way of ever bridging so terrible a chasm and that only by the person and passion of the Lord Jesus Christ? How could we have ever perceived the infinite design, unless it had been revealed to us as an accomplished fact, by which he has reconciled us and brought us into communion with himself, that we should be married to him?

Now, My dear Christian, just contemplate what you were, and the degraded family to which you belonged, that you may magnify the riches of his grace who chose you for his wife even while you were still a wicked sinner, and has so obligated himself with all the pledges of a husband that he said, “I am your husband.” What were you? It is a evil catalog of wicked sinners which the apostle gives in the first epistle to the Corinthians (6:9-11), I refrain from reciting the filthy vices—at the end of which he says, “But you were washed, you were sanctified.” In those crimes he enumerates, many of us had a share, no, all of us! What was our father? What was our aim? What was our practice? What were our desires? What were our tendencies? They were earthly, downward, hell-ward. We were at a distance from God, and we loved that distance. But the Lord Jesus took our nature upon himself: upon him God laid the iniquity of all his people. And why did he do this? Not merely to save us from the wrath to come, but that we, being lifted up out of our degradation by virtue of his atonement, and being sanctified and made right by the power of the Spirit, should have a relationship established between us and God which was not formed by nature, but which has been achieved and consummated by astounding grace. Let us give thanks to the Lord this night, as we remember the pit where we were pulled up from, and call to mind the fact that now we are united to him in ties of blood and bonds of love.

to be continued

2. The union of marriage is the result of choice.

Any exceptions to this rule that might be pleaded are invalid, because they arise from folly and transgression: there ought to be no exception. It is scarcely a true marriage at all where there has not been a choice on each side. But certainly if the Lord our God is married to us, and we are married to God, the choice is mutual. The first choice is with God. That choice was made, we believe, before the creation of the universe. God never began to love his people. It was impossible for the spiritual mind to entertain so unworthy a thought. He saw them in the telescope of his decrees; he saw them in the future, with his eye of foresight, in the mass of humanity, completely fallen and doomed; but yet he looked at them, and pitied and loved them, elected them and set them apart. “They will be mine,” said the Lord. At this point we are all in agreement; and we ought to be all in agreement on the second point, namely, that we also have chosen our God. Brothers and sisters, no one is saved against their will. If any one could say that they were saved against their will, it would be proof that they were not saved at all; for reluctance or indifference reveals hostility in their heart. If the will is still set against God, then it is proof that the whole person is still hostile against the Lord. In our natural state we did not choose God: in our natural state we kicked against his law, and turned away from his authority. But is it not written, “My people will be willing in the day of my power”? [Psalm 110:3, KJV] Don’t you understand how, without any violation of your freewill, God has used divine arguments and motives so as to influence your understanding? Through our understanding our will is convinced, and our souls are suddenly drawn without hesitation. It is then that we throw down the weapons of our rebellion, and humble ourselves at the footstool of the Most High; and we freely choose that which we once wickedly abhorred. Don’t you, Christian, at this very hour, choose Christ with all your heart to be your Lord and Savior? If it could be put to you over again to make a choice whether you would love the world or love Christ, wouldn’t you say, “Oh! my Beloved is better to me than ten thousand worlds! He captures all my love, captivates all my passion: I freely and completely give myself up to him; he bought me with a great price; he won me with his great love; he captivated me with his indescribable charms, so I completely give myself up to him”? This is a mutual choice. Oh, I wish that some of our friends would refrain from making such a strong stand against the doctrine of God choosing us. If they will only read the Scriptures with an unbiased mind, I am quite sure they will find it there. It always seems incomprehensible to me that those who so boldly claim freewill for man, should not also allow some freewill to God. I suppose, no one would not like to be married to someone whom they had not chosen, and why shouldn’t Jesus Christ have the right to choose his own bride? Why shouldn’t he put his love where he wants, and have the right to exercise, according to his own sovereign mind, that bestowment of his heart and hand which no one could by any means deserve? Know this for sure, that Jesus will have his own choice whether we doubt the doctrine or not; for he will have mercy on whom he will have mercy, and he will have compassion on whom he will have compassion. At the same time, I wish that those friends who believe this truth, would receive the other, which is just as much true. We do choose Christ in return, and that without any violation of our freewill. Some people cannot see two truths at the same time; they cannot understand that God has made all truth to be double. Truth is many sided. While divine predestination is true, human responsibility is also true; while it is true that Christ chooses us, it is also true that the unregenerate mind will not choose him: Jesus said, “You refuse to come to me to have life.” [John 5:40] This is the sin and the condemnation of man, that “Light has come into the world, but men loved darkness instead of light because their deeds were evil” [John 3:19] Settle it, however, in your minds, that when God says, “I am your husband,” it implies that there is a blessed choice on both sides; and thus it is a true marriage.

3. Our third reflection is, that marriage is cemented by mutual love.

Where there is a lack of this mutual affection, it does not deserve the name of marriage. The pain and anguish of such a relationship would be a heavy load for either heart to bear; but where there is true and genuine love; it is the sweetest and happiest mode of living. It is one of the blessings of paradise, which has been preserved for us after the fall. Without love, wedded life must be like experiencing some of the very pains of hell on earth. In the solemn contract, which has brought our souls this night to God, the marriage is sustained, cemented, strengthened, and made enjoyable by mutual love. Need I talk to you of the love of God? It is a theme we are scarcely competent to talk of. You need to sit down and weep about it for the very joy of it, joy which fills the heart, and makes the eyes overflow, but almost chains the tongue, for it is a deep, profound, and inexpressible joy. “He loved me, and gave himself for me.” “How great is the love the Father has lavished on us” [1 John 3:1]. “As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you” [John 15:9]. Oh, the love of God—it would surpass the powers of an angel to declare it. Surely, it will be the blessed employment of eternity's long ages for us to comprehend the love of God; and, perhaps, when billions of years have rolled over our happy souls, we will still be as much struck with wonder with it as we were at first. The marvel does not diminish as we examine it: familiarity cannot make it common. The nearer we approach God’s love, the deeper will be our wonder, amazement, and awe. It will be as great a surprise that God would love such cold, such faithless, such unworthy creatures as ourselves, at the end of ten thousand years as it was at first, perhaps even more so. The more thoroughly we come to know ourselves, the more fully we will understand the goodness and holiness of the Lord; thus will our wonder grow and expand. Even in heaven, we will be lost in surprise and admiration at the love of God to us. The rapture will augment the reverence we feel.

But dear brothers and sisters, I trust we will also love him in return! Do you ever feel one soft affection rising after another as you ponder the Christ of God? When you sometimes listen to a sermon in which the Savior's dear love to you is described, don’t you suddenly feel that a tear wets your cheek? Doesn’t your heart swell sometimes, as if it were unable to hold your emotions? Isn’t there “an inexpressible and glorious joy,” that comes over you? Can’t you say—

“Jesus, I love your charming name,
It is music to my ear;
Happily would I sound it out so loud
That earth and heaven should hear”?


I hope you don’t need to sing tonight—

continued

“It is a point I long to know.”

but, I trust, that in the solemn silence of your souls you can say, “You know that I love you;” be grieved that the question should be asked, but still be ready to answer, with Peter, “Lord, you know all things, you know that I love you.”

Now, it is impossible for you to love God without the strong conclusive evidence that God loves you. I once knew a good woman who was the subject of many doubts, and when I got to the bottom of her doubt, it was this: she knew she loved Christ, but she was afraid he did not love her. “Oh!” I said, “that is a doubt that will never trouble me; never, by any possibility, because I am sure of this, that the heart is so naturally corrupt, that love to God could never get there without God first putting it there.” You may rest quite certain, that if you love God, it is a fruit, and not a root. It is the fruit of God's love to you, and did not get there by the force of any goodness in you. You may conclude, with absolute certainty, that God loves you if you love God. There never was any difficulty on his part. It always was on your part, and now that the difficulty is gone from you there is no more difficulty left. O let our hearts rejoice and be filled with great delight, because the Savior has loved us and given himself for us. So let us realize the truth of the text, “I am your husband.”

4. My fourth observation is, that this marriage necessitates certain mutual responsibilities.

I cannot say “duties,” for the word seems out of place on either side. How can I speak of the great God making pledges of faithfulness? and yet with reverence, let me say it just that way, for in any vocabulary I can hardly find words to declare it. When God becomes a husband, he undertakes to do a husband's part. When he says, “Your Creator is your husband,” you may rest assured that he does not take up the relationship without assuming (well, I must say it) all the responsibilities which belong to a husband. God’s part is to nourish, to cherish, to shield, to protect, and to bless those with whom he condescends, in infinite mercy, to enter into the union of marriage. When the Lord Jesus Christ became the husband of his church, he felt that he had an obligation and commitment to us, and inasmuch as there were debts incurred, he paid them.

“Yes, said the Son, with her I'll go,
Through all the depths of sin and woe;
And on the cross will even dare
The bitter pains of death to bear.”

He never shrunk back from doing any of those loving works which belong to the husband of his chosen spouse. He exalted the word “husband,” and made it to be more full of meaning than it ever had been before, so that the apostle could see it glittering in a new light, and could say, “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself for her.” Oh, yes! dear friends, there is a responsibility arising out of this relationship, and Jesus Christ has not turn away from it; you know he hasn’t.

And now, what about our side? The wife has to reverence her husband, and to be subject to him in all things. That is precisely our position towards him who has married us. Let his will be our will. Let his wish be our law. Let us never need to be flogged into service, but let us say—“It is love that makes our willing feet move in swift obedience.”

O Christian, if the Master condescends to say, “I am your husband,” you will never need to ask, “What is my duty?” but you will say, “What can I do for him?” The loving wife does not say, “What is my duty?” and stand coldly questioning how far she should go, and how little she may do, but all that she can do for him who is her husband she will do, and everything that she can think of, every thing she can devote herself to, in striving to please him in all things she will most certainly do and perform. And you and I will do the same if we have realized our union with Christ. O beloved, don’t grow sentimental and waste your energies in foolish dreams as some have done. Consider the wife—where the family is large, the work is heavy, and the responsibility great. I must remind you, as time permits, of the words of King Lemuel, and the oracle his mother taught him. Bear with me at least while I caution you listen to a mother’s wisdom to her son, that the heart of your husband may safely trust in you. Be careful to provide food for your family. Grab the spindle with your fingers; don’t stop being diligent; don’t eat the bread of idleness. Open your arms to the poor and extend your hands to the needy. Speak with wisdom, and be sure that faithful instruction is on your tongue.” And also be sure that you yourself, in regard to all the duties of your situation, are fulfilling your obligations to your Lord. Jesus has shown us how much he loved us by His matchless deeds on our behalf, therefore let us impress our song of love to him on the hearts of some tender young child who are committed to our care. O that the life I now live in the flesh, by faith in the Son of God, might become a poem, and a grateful response to him that loved me, and gave himself for me. I hope we now understand that when God says, “I am your husband,” it requires mutual responsibilities.

5. Fifthly, it also involves mutual intimacy.

How will we call that a marriage where the husband and wife are still two persons, maintaining individuality as if it were a conscientious condition of the contract? That is utterly foreign to the divine idea of marriage. In a true marriage, the husband and wife become one. Therefore their joys and their cares, their hopes and their labors, their sorrows and their pleasures, rise and blend together in one stream. Brothers and sisters, the Lord our God has said that he, “…confides in those who fear him; he makes his covenant known to them” [Psalm 25:14]. “Then Judas (not Judas Iscariot) said, "But, Lord, why do you intend to show yourself to us and not to the world?” [John 14:22]. This is an example of the intimate and private relationship, because there is a union between Christ and his people, which there is not between Christ and the world. How joyful do the words sound—they have a melodious ring to them—“I no longer call you servants, because a servant does not know his master's business. Instead, I have called you friends, for everything that I learned from my Father I have made known to you.” [John 15:15]. Christ keeps nothing back from you, his spouse.

Remember another word of his: “If it were not so, I would have told you.” Oh, how delightful! He says, “I go to prepare a place for you.” He tells them that he is going to prepare a place for them, and then he says, “If it were not so, I would have told you—I keep no secrets back from you; you are close to me, my flesh and my bones. I left my Father's house in glory, that I might become one with you, and show myself to you, and I keep nothing back from you, but reveal my very heart and my very soul to you.”

Now, Christian, think of this: your relationship to Christ is that of a spouse, and you must pour out your very heart to Christ. No, don’t go and pour out your heart to your neighbors, nor your friends, for, somehow or other, the most sympathizing heart cannot understand or share all of our heartaches. There are sorrows, which the stranger cannot help us with; but there never was a heartache or pain which Christ could not help us to overcome. Make a confidant of the Lord Jesus—tell him everything. You are married to him: play the part of a wife who keeps no secrets back, no trials back, no joys back; tell them all to him.

continued

I was in a house yesterday where there was a little child, and it was said to me, “He is such a funny child.” I asked in what way, and the mother said, “Well, if he falls down and hurts himself in the kitchen, he will always go upstairs crying and tell somebody, and then he comes down and says, “I told somebody;” and if he is upstairs he goes downstairs and tells somebody, and when he comes back it is always, “I told somebody,” and he doesn’t cry any more, Ah! well, I thought, we must tell somebody: it is human nature to want to have sympathy, but if we would always go to Jesus, and tell him everything, and leave it there, we would often dismiss the burden, and be refreshed with a grateful song. Let us do so, and go with all our joys and all our troubles to Jesus, who says, “I am your husband.” I know the devil will say, “Why, you must not tell the Lord your present trouble: it is too little, and besides, you know you did wrong, and brought it upon yourself.” Well, I ask you, wouldn’t you tell your husband, wouldn’t you? and will you not tell your Lord? You couldn’t tell a master or a stranger, but you can tell a husband. Oh! Feel free to call Christ, “My man, my husband,” and put that confidence in him which a wife is expected to place in a husband who dearly loves her.

6. We must now go on to a sixth point. This marriage implies fellowship in all its relations.

Whatever a husband possesses becomes his wife's. She cannot be poor if he be rich; and what little she has, whatever it may be, belongs to him. If she is in debt, her debts become his. When Jesus Christ called out his people, he gave them all he had. There is nothing which Christ has which he has not given to us. It is noteworthy that he has given his church his own name! “Where?” you say. Well, there are two passages in Jeremiah that most remarkably illustrate this (chap. 23:6, and chap. 33:16). In the one it says, “This is the name by which he will be called,” and in the other, “This is the name by which she will be called” [KJV]. In both, the name is identical. “The Lord our Righteousness.” What “She will be called”? Yes, as though he said, “She will take my name, and with the name, of course, the entire open acknowledgment of his interest in her and her interest in him. As such she is partaker of all his glory: if he is a king, she is a queen; if he is in heaven, then so are we, for “God raised us up with Christ and seated us with him in the heavenly realms;” [Ephesians 2:6] if he is heavenly, she also will bear the image of the heavenly; if he is immortal, so will she be; and if he is at the right hand of the Father, so will she be also highly exalted with him.

Now, it is saying but very little when I add, that, therefore, whatever we have, belongs to him—oh! it is so little, so very little, and one wishes it were more. I have sometimes thought, “O that Christ were not so glorious as he is.” It was a half-wicked wish, but I meant it in the right way, that I might help to glorify him. O that he were still poor, that one might invite him to a feast! O that he were still in this world, that one could break the alabaster jar of expensive perfume and pour it on his head! But you are so great, most blessed Master, that we can do nothing to increase your greatness! You are so elevated, that we cannot exalt you! You are so happy, that we cannot bless you! Yet, what am I saying? It is all a mistake! He is still here. He calls every one of his people “Members of his body;” and if you wish to enrich him, help the poor; if you want to feed him, feed the hungry. Those that clothe the naked, put clothing on the Lord himself. Jesus said, “Whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me” [Matthew 25:40].

7. A seventh observation, and then I will refrain from dwelling any longer on this point. The very crown of marriage is mutual delight and contentment.

The wife of a Persian nobleman, having gone to a feast, which was given by King Darius, was asked by her husband whether she thought that Darius was the finest man in the world. No, she said, she did not think so; she never saw any one in the world who was comparable to her husband. And doubtless that is just the opinion which a husband forms of his wife and a wife of her husband where the marriage is as it should be. Now, certainly Christ has a very high opinion of us. I remember meditating on a passage in the Song of Solomon, looking at it and wondering how it could be true—believing it, and yet not being able to comprehend it—where Christ says, “All beautiful you are, my darling; there is no flaw in you!” [Song of Solomon 4:7] Oh, what eyes he must have! We say that love is blind; but that cannot be true in the case of Christ, for he sees all things. Why, this is how it is: he sees himself in us. He does not see us as we are, but in his infinite grace he sees us as we are to become, as we sing:

“Not as she stood in Adam's fall,
When sin and ruin covered all;
But as she'll stand another day,
Brighter than sun's brightest ray.”

The sculptor says he can see a bust in a block of marble, and that all he has to do is to chip away the extra marble, and let the bust appear. So Christ can see a perfect being in every one of us, if we are his people; and what he does with us each day is to continue to remove our many imperfections, making us to become more like him. He can see us as we will one day be before the throne of God in heaven, without spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing. His delights are with men and women who belong to him. He loves to hear our praise, and to listen to our prayers. The songs of his people are his sweet perfume, and communion with his people is like beds of spices, and beds of lilies. And as for us, who are his people, I am sure we can say that there is no delight, which can equal communion with Christ. We have tried other delights—shame on us!—we have tried some of them, but after having done so, we find that there is nothing like our Lord, “Meaningless! Meaningless!” says the Teacher. “Utterly meaningless!” [Ecclesiastes 1:2]; but when we come to Christ, we find nothing meaningless there, but can say:—

“Where can such sweetness be
As I have tasted in your love,
As I have found in thee?”

The Christian's heart is like Noah's dove: it flies over the wide waste, and cannot rest its foot until it comes back to Christ. He is the true Noah, who puts out his hand and takes in the weary, trembling dove, and gives it rest. There is no peace in the whole world except with Christ.

“There's no such thing as pleasure here,
My Jesus is my all;
As He shines or disappears,
My pleasures rise or fall.”

We have so far only skimmed the surface of this delightful word, “I am your husband,” but we must move on to our next point.


continued

II. HOW MUCH DO YOU AND I TRULY UNDERSTAND THIS?

I am afraid some of you think that I am half crazy tonight. You are saying, “Well, I don’t comprehend this; what is this man talking about? God married to us! Christ married to us! I don’t understand it!” God have mercy on you, my poor listener, and bring you to know it! But let me tell you, if you could come to understand it, then you would discover a secret here that would make you a thousand times more happy than all the joys of the world can ever make you. You remind me of the chicken in the fable, who found a diamond on the dunghill, and as he turned it over, he said, “I would rather have found a grain of barley.” He acted according to his nature. And so it is with you. This precious pearl of union to God will seem to be nothing to you: a little worldly pleasure will be more to your liking. One could weep to think there should be such ignorance of true joy and true delight! Oh! blind eyes, that cannot see beauty in the Savior! Oh! stone-cold hearts, that can see no loveliness in him! Jesus! they are obsessed, they are insane, who cannot love you! It is a strange foolishness of men and women to think that they can do without you, that they can see any light apart from you, you the bright Sun of Righteousness, or anything like your beauty in all the gardens of the world apart from you, you the Rose of Sharon, you the Lily of the Valley! O that they knew you!

Do I address any one here tonight, who, while they pretend to be religious people, have no real allegiance to the Lord? There are many like that, and we occasionally meet with them here. They cannot satisfy their conscience without some show of religion, so they join with us as listeners and spectators in the solemn assembly; but they never unite with the church, because they have not dedicated their hearts to Christ. Ask them the reason, and their answer sounds pure, and yet in truth it is anything but innocent. You tell us that you are afraid to become a true Christian because you would not walk consistently? Wouldn’t it be more truthful to admit that your relationship with the world, your love of money, your ordinary pastimes, and your occasional partying, harmless as you try to persuade yourselves they are now, if viewed in the light of marriage to Christ, would be accounted as very shameful? So far as the principles of Christianity are concerned, you endorse them with your private creed, and you are “Protestant” enough to prefer the most evangelical doctrines; but your reluctance to make a true commitment to Christ is a clear index to a most fatal flaw in your character. You might admit that God is supreme, but not the exclusive Lord of your heart. You would give the Lord's altar more honor than any other altar, but still you would not remove the high places which desecrate the land. Your opinion is that there is no god in all the earth but the God of Israel, yet your practice is to bow down to the god of this world. You wish to have all the promises of God bestowed on you, but you decidedly object to make any vows to him. It is to people like you that these delicate appeals are most distasteful, “Return, faithless people, for I am your husband.” Nothing in your experience responds to this. You stand aloof as if you were offended. I must warn you, therefore, that God can be your God only in these bonds of covenant union.

But, Christian, now I speak to you. Surely you know something about this, that God is married to you? If you do, can’t you say with me, “Yes, and he has been a very faithful husband to me”? Now, there are none of you who can object to that! Thus far he has been very faithful to you, and what have you been to him? How kind and tender has he been; how faithful, how generous, how sympathizing! In your every affliction he has been afflicted, and the angel of his presence has saved you. Just when you had reached your limits of endurance he has come to your aid. He has carried you through every difficulty, even until now. Oh! you can speak well of him, can’t you? And as for his love, Christian, as for his love, what do you think of that? Is it not heaven on earth to you? Don’t you think it to be—

“Heaven above
To see his face, to taste his love”?

Well, then, speak well of him, speak well of him! Make this world hear his praise! Ring that silver bell in the deaf ears of this generation! Make them know that your Beloved is the fairest of the fair and compel them to ask, “How is your beloved better than others, most beautiful of women?” [Song of Solomon 5:9]

Again, for those of you who do not know him, I would like to ask you this question, and you need to answer it. Do you want to be married to Christ? Do you wish to have him? Oh! then, there will be no difficulties in the way of the match. If your heart goes after Christ, he will have you. If, when you get home tonight and kneel down next to your bed, you say to him, “Dear Savior, here is my heart, take it, wash it, save me,” he will hear you. Whoever you may be, he will not refuse you. Oh he seeks you, he seeks you! And when you seek him, that is a sure sign that he has found you. Though you may not have found him, yet he has already found you. The wedding-ring is ready. Faith is the golden ring, which is the token of the marriage bond. Trust the Savior! Trust him! Give up trusting in your good works. Give up depending on your merits. Take his works, his merits, and rest alone in him, for today he says to you, “I will make you my wife forever; showing you righteousness and justice, love and compassion. I will be faithful to you, and you will acknowledge me as LORD” [Hosea 2:19-20] Oh, may the Lord Jesus do that to every one of you, and may Christ's name be glorified forever. Amen.

Here are some of Spurgeon’s wise sayings concerning marriage.
Some are a bit humorous, but all have a good measure of very helpful truth in them.

Be slow in choosing, especially with regard to wife or husband.
“Before your youth with marriage is oppressed,
Make choice of one who suits your humor best;
Such choicest damsel drops not from the sky,
She must, be sought for with a studious eye.”
An unwise marriage will prove to be a calamity.

Before you marry, have a house wherein to tarry.
One would think this advice unnecessary, but people are reckless nowadays.
We, hope our readers will not begin housekeeping with furniture on credit:
it is not creditable.

Pride with pride will not abide.

Marriage is either kill or cure.
It is either ‘mar age’ or ‘merry age’, as the case may be.
“O matrimony! you are like
To Jeremiah’s figs —
The good are very good indeed;
The bad too sour for pigs!”

Marry in a hurry, and live in a worry.
Take Time to Do That Which Time Cannot Undo.

MARRY IN HASTE, AND REPENT AT LEISURE.
Marriage is a desperate thing.
“The frogs in Aesop’s fable were extremely wise:
they greatly needed some water, but they would not
leap into the well because they could not get out again.
 Blessed is the man who can say, after twenty years:
“I did commit no act of folly,
When I married my sweet Molly.”

Right mixture makes good mortar.
Due proportion and thorough blending of
various graces make up good character.
Also in forming a marriage partnership a wise
arrangement and a good heart will secure lasting unity.

In marriage a fit blend is almost everything.
Once married, it is for better or worse, forever.

Don't be in a hurry to tie what you cannot untie.
Marriage is one of these things. Be careful!
"In choice of a friend
One may often amend
When he finds his affection misspent;
But in choosing a wife
A close partner for life,
There is left us no room to repent."

He who ‘courts in sport’ may be caught in earnest.
Many are caught in a marriage which he never intended,
which turns out a life-long bondage.

He who marries a fool is a fool.
He did not use sufficient discretion and discernment.
However, fool or no fool, he is in for it for life,
and must bear the consequences.

A good husband makes a good wife.
A gracious disposition in the one influences the other, and little faults are
almost insensibly cured. The proverb is equally true in reference to the wife,
but she has harder material to work upon, and sometimes she fails to make
her husband what he should be.

A rich man may make a poor husband.
Better to have a treasure in the man, than with the man.

Alas! Alas!  Wise men pass a dressy lass.
The Alas! is for the dressy lass who hoped to catch a husband by her fine array,
and saw all the men worth having turning away from her.

An obedient wife commands her husband.
By her love the good man is conquered,
 so that he delights to give her pleasure.

The house is the woman's dominion,
and her husband should let her reign, saying,
“Only in the throne will I be greater than you.”
He will be wise seldom to sit on that throne.

Buttons all right are husbands’ delight.
What vexation may be caused by neglect of such a little thing as a button!
Let wives think nothing trivial which tends to peace.

Expensive wife makes pensive husband.
When the drapers bill drains his pocket,
the poor man thinks more than he dares to say.
The arithmetic of a good wife is very different.
She adds to his happiness, subtracts from his cares,
multiplies his joys, divides his sorrows, and practices
reduction in the expenditure of his household.

This “last word” business is a miserable one.
It would seem the best for both husband and wife to leave off
angry words at once, and so both hasten to have the last word.
As for the wife's being quite so humble as to speak only when she is
spoken to, the notion is a relic of savage life, and finds no echo in a
Christian manes head. Among true Christians the wife is the equal
of her husband, and is had in honor by him. The wife is not the head,
but she is the crown, and that is higher still.

‘Harry Heartless’ will make a bad husband.
Better let him remain a bachelor.

A fair face may be a foul bargain.
Young men should not be carried away with mere beauty,
but look to character and disposition.
One who marries a woman for her beauty alone is as foolish
as the man who ate a bird because it sang so sweetly.

For husbands-- Instead of trying to reform your wife,
you will find it much more profitable to reform your wife's husband.

For wives-- instead of trying to reform your husband,
you will find it much more profitable to reform your husbands wife.

Summary wisdom for husbands-
"Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives,
and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you
of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers." 1 Peter 3:7

Summary wisdom for wives-
"Wives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord." Col. 3:18

Summary wisdom for all relationships-
"Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves
with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience." Col. 3:12

  "CONTINUE ON"
by  Roy Lessin--

A woman once fretted over the usefulness of her life.
She feared she was wasting her potential being a
devoted wife and mother.
She wondered if the time and energy she invested in her
husband and children would make a difference.

At times she got discouraged because so much of what
she did seemed to go unnoticed and unappreciated.
 "Is it worth it?" she often wondered.  "Is there something
better that I could be doing with my time?"

It was during one of these moments of questioning that she
heard the still small voice of her heavenly Father speak to
her heart-- "You are a wife and mother because that is
what I have called you to be.
Much of what you do is hidden from the public eye.
But I notice.  Most of what you give is done without
remuneration.   But I am your reward.

Your husband cannot be the man I have called him to be
without your support.
Your influence upon him is greater than you think
and more powerful than you will ever know.
I bless him through your service and honor him through
your love.

Your children are precious to Me.
Even more precious than they are to you.
I have entrusted them to your care to raise them for Me.
What you invest in them is an offering to Me.

You may never be in the public spotlight.
But your obedience shines as a bright light before Me.
Continue on.
Remember that you are My servant.
Do all to please Me."

 :'( Another great regret in my life is my decision to never have children.  I can't believe I'm admitting it, but it's true.  I have to wonder now, who will grieve for me when I'm gone?

Sister Terri,

You are a very sweet Christian lady who deserves much more than what you've been putting up with. It isn't a marriage when you have to live in fear of your life and have nothing to look forward to except verbal and emotional abuse. I give thanks that you are out of that situation now, and I'll be praying that GOD heals your wounds and leads you into a life of safety and peace. You know that you have JESUS, so you will never be alone, and you have many Christian friends who love and care for you.

Sister, no woman deserves what you've been through. I would ask you to place your burdens at the feet of JESUS, leave them, and enjoy a time of peace. You know that many Christians are praying for you, and we will keep praying for you.

Love In Christ,
Tom

Psalms 121:7 NASB  The LORD will protect you from all evil; He will keep your soul.

Sister Terri,  I am truely sorry for the pain and sorrow you have been through in your marriage.  Marriage is a covenant to be honored, repected, and protected not by one of the partners, but by both the husband and the wife, and God blesses that marriage.
God intended the institution of marriage to be for His glory. Man has allowed satan to ruin and to despise the sanctity of marriage.
Sad to say Terri divorce rates today are extremely high even in marriages where both husband and wife are Christians. That is why the Bible warns us about being unequally yoked, God could foresee the problems that would arise. Of course many people come to Christ after having married.
Terri, even after a man and a woman get married, that does not mean that the woman becomes the property of the husband and that he has the right to mistreat her in any way, no not emotionally, physically, mentally, verbally or financially. He is not her owner, he is her husband the head of the unity of marriage and he must lovingly provide for his bride (even after 50 years) love, affection, nurture, take care of her needs physical, financial and spiritual. God does not want any of His daughters to to be mistreated or suffering. Remember once you have allowed Jesus to be your Lord and Savior, you belong to Him, that means spirit, soul and body. In situtuations where the wife, and believe it or not in many cases it may even be the husband, is being abused the best thing to do is to remove yourself from a potentially dangerous situation, this does not always have to result in divorce, but many in fact most times it does. God does answer prayer, marriages can and have been restored even after divorce, when either one or both persons has acctepted Jesus and has allowed Him to be the leader of their marriage.
Terri, even Christian marriages, where both husband and wife allow Jesus to be the head of their marriage, need prayer every day. Both husband and wife must pray for their marriage on a daily basis. Since marriage is the first covenant instituted by God, satan is out to destroy that covenant, he wants destroy anything and every good thing that God has created. Marriage can be blissful, it can be like heaven on earth, but it must not be taken for granted, both husband and wife must pray for their marriage every day.
Praying for you daily, your sister in Christ,
Maria.

Sister, one more thing, while I can't say I understand how you feel about your descision for not having children God does understand. Never think that you are alone in the family of God you have many, many brothers, sisters and children in the Lord. Not only will you never be alone here on earth, but Oh my, how many will be waiting to welcome you in heaven.
I have 4 children of my own and my 2 stepdaughters, I often think what would happen to my children, all of them if I was to be gone, I wouldn't want them to grieve for me. MY only desire is that they would always stay close to God and never lose the blessed hope. I thank God for each and everyone of them everyday, as well as praying for all of them.
But most important remember, you have many who love you in the family of God. And many who will celebrate your home-going if you leave this earth before Jesus comes.  :D

Amen Sister Maria!

It's a beautiful fact that all of the sweet Christians here will be spending eternity together with JESUS. There will be hosts of us and we will know nothing except LOVE bathed in the LIGHT OF THE LAMB forever! This is such a beautiful fact to consider. We won't have any pain or sorrow for eternity, so all of the hate and hurt of this world will be left behind and forgotten.

We will be too busy singing, praising, worshiping, and rejoicing to even remember the things of this world that we left behind. We have the Promises of Almighty God, and those are so sure that we can consider them as already done. Even in this short life here, Christians have much to give thanks for, but especially:


Love In Christ,
Tom

Matthew 17:5 NASB  While he was still speaking, a bright cloud overshadowed them, and behold, a voice out of the cloud said, "This is My beloved Son, with whom I am well-pleased; listen to Him!"

Hello Sister Terri,

I misunderstood and thought you were already safe and away from any further possible harm. Now I can't remember what made me think this. I will keep praying for you. Please do keep us posted when you can, but please don't put yourself in danger to do that.

Love In Christ,
Tom

Psalms 103:13 NASB  Just as a father has compassion on his children, So the LORD has compassion on those who fear Him.

My prayers are with you, sister.
Love in Christ,
Maria

Brothers & Sisters, I was raised in a two parent home, where Dad went to work an 8 hour a day job, and then do odds and ends on weekends such as taxiing people back and forth from the airport, painting, shoveling snow, repairing washing machines, and delivering groceries. And Mom stayed home and raised a family, and did the household chores. I am the second oldest of seven children. I fondly remember the whole family sitting, a little crowded, but sitting nonetheless together as a family at dinner time. I only recall one time when my mom and dad got into an argument, my dad put his hat on and walked out the door and my mom put her head down on her crossed arms on the table. I was so afraid, I had never seen my mom cry, but being the nosey little girl I was I crawled under the table so I could see my mom's face, and instead a tear from her eye fell on my cheek.

Here I was no more than 7 years old and I thought that the whole world was falling apart, at least my world was, the world I was raised in. I couldn't understand what was going on, I just wanted my mom to stop hurting. For a brief moment I felt anger at my dad for the very first time in my life that I can recall. I couldn't wait for him to come back so I could tell him off!!!

An hour had not even gone by yet, when my dad opened the door and stood there just looking lost. I noticed a drop in his eye and again nosey little me had to ask "Papi are you crying too?" Of course he said no it was rain, I didn't dare make him feel stupid so I didn't ask why his hat and coat weren't wet, and why was the drop coming out of his eye. At this moment my mom looked up at my dad, and he took her in his arms, and they just both hugged without any words being said.

This time it was me leaving the room with tears in my eyes, thinking to myself "That is how it should be." As the years went by I watched my mom and dad communicate back and forth with each other without even saying a word. I watched my dad work harder and longer to provide for his growing family and I watched my mom back him up in his descions. I would hear them talking quietly making plans and praying, and I just felt so much love for both of them. They really loved each other.

I learned by watching my dad, how a husband should treat his wife, how he should honor her and make her feel like she is the best thing that ever has happened to him. Love her and care for her tenderly.
I learned from watching my mom how a wife should also honor and respect her husband. How she should make him feel like he is her king. Nothing is more important to a man than to know that his wife is his number one fan and that she backs him up even if things don't always happen as they planned.

Yes, friends women are all mushy and love to be told they are beautiful and appreciated, they love to feel like their husbands have eyes for no one else but them. They love to be treated special.
And don't be fooled, sisters, as macho as our husbands may try to be, they too love to be told by their queen how wonderful they are, how proud of them they are, they love to be told how "buff" they are.
But more importantly both husband and wife need to know that each one is praying for the other.

When a husband and wife fail to let each other know how important they are and always will be in each others lives, the walls begin to build. For those of us that are married let us stop those invisible walls from going up.
Let us honor God, by honoring our Marriage Covenant.

Let us take the sound advice given to us in the following Scriptures.

Eph 5:22 Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.

Eph 5:24 Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing

 Eph 5:25 Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;

 Col 3:18 ¶ Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as it is fit in the Lord.

 Col 3:19 Husbands, love your wives, and be not bitter against them.

1Ti 3:12 Let the deacons be the husbands of one wife, ruling their children and their own houses well.

 Tit 2:4 That they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children, {sober: or, wise}

 Tit 2:5 To be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed.

 1Pe 3:1 ¶ Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives;

 1Pe 3:7 Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered.

Pr 18:22 ¶ Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favour of the LORD.

Amen sister.

1Pe 3:1 Likewise, wives, be in subjection to your own husbands, so that if any do not obey the word, they may also be won without the word by the conduct of the wives, (MKJV)

1Pe 3:2 having witnessed your chaste behavior in the fear of God. (MKJV)


1Pe 3:1  IN LIKE manner, you married women, be submissive to your own husbands [subordinate yourselves as being secondary to and dependent on them, and adapt yourselves to them], so that even if any do not obey the Word [of God], they may be won over not by discussion but by the [godly] lives of their wives,
1Pe 3:2  When they observe the pure and modest way in which you conduct yourselves, together with your reverence [for your husband; you are to feel for him all that reverence includes: to respect, defer to, revere him--to honor, esteem, appreciate, prize, and, in the human sense, to adore him, that is, to admire, praise, be devoted to, deeply love, and enjoy your husband]. (AMP)


A wife can exercise great power in the life of her husband without ever saying a word.

A godly wife also exercises great power in the life of her husband when she prays for him. This is, in my opinion a must

Eph 5:21 Submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of God. (KJV)

WBN


Our apostle having exhorted the Ephesians to such general duties as belong to all Christians, comes now to exhort them to the practice of relative duties, as they are members of societies, and particularly as they live in a family society one with another, as husbands and wives, parents and children, masters and servants; much of the life and power of religion appearing in the conscientious practice and performance of religious duties.
 
But first he gives them a general direction to  submit themselves one to another in the fear of God, that is, by yielding and mutually condescending to each other, stooping to the meanest office of love and kindness one towards another; and this in the fear of God, that is, either in obedience to the command of God, which enjoins this submission, for then we perform our duty one towards another acceptably, and as we ought, when we eye the command of God in what we do: or else in the fear of God, that is, making the fear of God the rule and measure of our submission one to another; for we are by no means bound to submit ourselves in order to the pleasing of our neighbours, any farther than is consistent with that subjection and obedience which we owe to God.
 
Learn hence, That where that noble and divine principle of the fear of God prevaileth in the heart, it will make a man conscientiously careful of his duty towards man: the fear of God in him will have both the force of a motive to quicken him up unto, and also of a rule to guide and direct him in, that submission, which, in obedience to God is due and payable to his neighbours. Having laid down this general rule, now he comes to press us to the practice of particular duties, Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands, & c.
 
Note here, He begins with the wife's duty first, before the husband's, probably because her duty of entire subjection is the most difficult duty, and that being conscientiously discharged, is a compelling motive to the husband to set about his duty in like manner.
 
Note, 2. The particular and special duty which the wife is exhorted to: and that is submission, Wives, submit yourselves. This supposes the wife's due esteem of, and her affectionate love unto, her husband, as the root of this submission.
 
Note, 3. The universality and extensive nature of the command: it is to all wives, to pay this tribute of subjection to their own husbands; no honour, superiority, or antecedent dignity in the wife, no personal infirmity, no moral infirmity, nay, no error in religion, can give a discharge from this obligation: there is no wife, whatever her birth and breeding, whatever her parts or privileges may be, that is exempted from this tie of subjection to her husband; for the law of nature, the ordinance of God, and her own voluntary covenant and promise in marriage, to oblige and bind her to it.
 
Yet, note, 4. The qualification and manner of this submission: it must be as unto the Lord; that is, in obedience to the command of the Lord, who has given the husband power over the wife, and required and will reward, her obedience to him; or else, as unto the Lord, it pointeth out a similitude, and likeness, and resemblance, in the wife's subjection to the husband, with that which they owe to Christ the Lord; that is, it must not be feigned, but sincere; it must not be constrained, but willing, from a complacency taken in the doing of this duty.
 
And lastly, as unto the Lord, that is, in all lawful things; the wife is by no means to obey the husband in any commands which are contrary to that submissive obedience which she owes to Christ, her supreme Lord. Now, with this limitation, the wife, in subjecting herself to her husband, is subject unto the Lord.
 
Note, 5. The reason given by the Holy Ghost for enforcing this duty of submissive obedience upon wives, For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church, & c. that is, the wife ought to submit herself to her husband, because,
 
1. He is her head; and, 2. Therein doth resemble Christ's headship over his church.
 
Observe here, That this metaphor of an head, applied to the husband, denotes both the dignity and duty of the husband: it implies his eminency by reason of his sex; it implies his authority to govern and direct, as the head has power to guide and govern the whole body; and it points out his duty, as well as his dignity: as the head is the seat of wisdom and knowledge, so husbands should be endowed with greater measures of knowledge, and prudence, to enable them to guide and govern in the place God has set them.
 
And further, the apostle would have wives consider and observe that God will have some resemblance of Christ's authority over the church, held forth in the husband's authority over the wife. Is Christ an head of dominion and direction also to his church? so should the husband be to his wife. Doth Christ exercise his dominion and power over the church, not rigidly and tyrannically, but with meekness and gentleness? so should the husband rule.
 
In a word, is Christ the Saviour of the body meritoriously? so should the husband be ministeriously, to defend the wife from injuries, to supply her necessities, and to improve his whole power and authority over her for her good.
 
Note, 6. The manner of this subjection specified and declared: as the church is subject, so let the wife be subject. Is the church subject to Christ willingly, cheerfully, dutifully, delightfully? so let the wife be subject. Doth the church subject itself to Christ universally? so let the wife be subject in all things; not absolutely in all things, but in all things lawful, godly, and honest; nothing is excepted out of the wife's subjection to her husband, but that which is contrary to her duty to him who commanded this subjection; when there appears little discretion in the husband's command, then there will appear a great sense of duty in the wife's obedience.

See Also:

Php 2:3; 1Pe 5:5