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I have a question that's been weighing on me for the past week or so. It's about forgiveness.

I know that we are supposed to forgive people for what they do to us, because it's not to us to judge and dole punishments and such. But, my problem is this: how do you forgive someone when all they do is continue to throw it in your face that they have something (or in the case, someone) that you had and lost?

I've tried very hard to forgive my friend for what she did to me. I really have. And, perhaps for some things, I have. But I'm finding it difficult to forgive her completely. She wounded me, heart and soul, so deeply and throroughly that it will be a long time before I heal. You'd think that any feeling, loving human being would try to make amends and help mend these wounds, but she won't try. She makes no attempt to say she's sorry. She's smug and pompous, so very fake with me now. It's like she continues to gloat over my suffering.

As it stands, there's a lot of things that I've given over to God of late. I'm not going to try to control EVERY aspect of my life, because I know I can't. I just want to be able to forgive her... or just move on completely. But, I can't not forgive, and it's killing me that I don't know how.

HELP!

I really hope that this is in the right place. 

Here is a thread is did a while back Wayfarer. Learning to Forgive (http://forums.christiansunite.com/index.php?topic=6316.0) <---- Yes this is a link. I pray this is what you are looking for brother.

Hello Wayfarer,

Sister, the link that Dreamweaver gave you is a beautiful and powerful lesson on forgiveness. Please do spend the time to read and study it.

Sister, I only want to make one comment, and you might find it hard to understand. Forgiveness helps you and your heart more than it does the person who wronged you. The attitude of the person you are forgiving is not as important as you getting rid of the hate and negative feelings you are carrying around with you. These things weigh you down, and they become a burden that is not worthy of carrying.

The words of JESUS on this subject below will hopefully convince you to read Dreamweaver's thread. It's excellent.

Matthew 6:14-15 NASB  "For if you forgive others for their transgressions, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. "But if you do not forgive others, then your Father will not forgive your transgressions.

Love In Christ,
Tom

Psalms 119:133 NASB  Establish my footsteps in Your word, And do not let any iniquity have dominion over me.

I have, for years fought hard on the forgiveness issues. I have relatives, by blood only, that only showed up when people died, to see what they could get. I have had people in my home, that needed a place to sleep, only to steal from me. There are many things that took me a long time to be able to forgive. But, I am learning and finding ways to do so.

I remember when I was separated. I blamed my husband for it all. One day, while praying, I picked up the bible and there was a verse in it that hurt home. I don't remember exactly what verse it was but, it told me to look at my own faults and apply them to the situation, for none of us are blameless. I saw everything in a different light, and for the first time, saw myself in the mirror for who I was, and what part I had to play with the break up. I then began praying for forgiveness, FOR MYSELF. It was then that I first felt the Holy Spirit working hard inside of me, as God revealed things I needed to work on, instead of praying hard for Him to just work on my husband.

God restored my marriage, even though everyone told me to divorce him. We have been back together for over a year and a half now, and have a healthy, Christian marriage. Praise God!

One thing I have found in forgiveness is that, we must also throw out the emotions of yesterday at the same time. When the girl that lived with me returned to England, I found myself jealous that her parents were there with her and taking care of the child that had lived in my home with her mom. One day, God revealed to me that, the jealousy I felt had to be thrown out of my life, and I had to start praying for the parents to follow Jesus instead. I stopped being jealous and mad at the situation and who was involved. Instead, I felt peace. Yes, her parents were THROWING IT IN MY FACE that, they were now taking care of the daughter and granddaughter, and it hurt. But, I now am very courteous and forgiving to them when they write, asking for me to send back things that were left here. Instead of my responding with accusation and hurt, I respond with love and end each email with GOD BLESS instead (and they are not Christian--I am sure that goes over well). I feel at peace when I do so, and know that I am doing what Jesus would want me to do.

Next time that person throws something in YOUR FACE, respond with something positive. Tell them you are glad they are so happy, even if you don't feel that way. Smile and say, you are glad that they are blessed, and that God is also blessing you in other ways at the same time. Respond with love and peace. They are looking to hurt you. Instead, return to them the love that they are lacking. I can promise you that, sooner or later, they will stop doing this to you and go on to something else. They will also see you in a new light.

God Bless,
Kelly

Amen sister.

It is good to see you posting here again. You have been missed.

Another Amen Sister Terri!

It's great to hear from you, and I want you to know that many of us are praying for you every day. Many of us do have a pretty good idea about your current situation, and we've looking forward to the time when you can join us more often.

I think that all Christians have learned at one time or another in their lives that forgiving someone is like getting rid of a 100 pound rock you've been carrying on your back. It's a wonderful feeling to get rid of it. In fact, it's also a matter of health, and we should ask GOD to help us rid our lives of these additional burdens every night before we go to sleep.

KEEP LOOKING UP!

Love In Christ,
Tom

Ephesians 5:1-2 NASB  Therefore be imitators of God, as beloved children; and walk in love, just as Christ also loved you and gave Himself up for us, an offering and a sacrifice to God as a fragrant aroma.