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 Devastation.

Numbing defeat.

Mind bending terror.

    Standing at a distance from the cross, these emotions sweep over John as he watches his Teacher, Mentor, and Lord gasp for another labored breath. Turning away from the horror, John squeezes his eyes and buries his head deep in his hands. The din of the onlookers fades away as the events of the past 24 hours whirl through his mind.

    Yesterday seems like an eternity ago. In his mind’s eye, he sees Peter and himself in the large upper guest room, preparing a table to celebrate Passover with Jesus and the band of brothers. He hears his conversation with Peter, how Jesus had especially chosen them to make the preparations. He notes their air of pride as they consider their esteemed relation with the Master.

    John’s mind moves forward to last evening. He and Peter are now standing in the middle of the room, checking to make sure that everything is ready for the gathering. Puzzled, they contemplate the washstand. At Jesus’ request, they had asked the housekeeper to dismiss the servants when the room and meal were prepared. The guests would soon come, and they now realize that there is no one to wash their feet as they arrived.

    What was Jesus thinking? He had placed them in charge of the evening. Did He expect them to stoop to that task? Dismissing the idea, they briefly discuss moving the stand into the corner, but that would appear too deliberate. They decide to leave it alone, and act as if it were an oversight. John sees himself greeting the guests as they arrive. They glance at the washstand as they enter the room. John winces and raises his fingers to his forehead as they stomp the dust off their feet. Jesus arrives, and an uncomfortable moment lingers as He greets John and searches deep into his eyes before entering the room.

    Time flashes forward, and John sees the group reclining about the table. There is a sense of expectation in the air. Jesus lifts his cup from the table, and a hush falls over the room as He begins to speak. He explains the culmination of His ministry, but no one understands. They hear that the Kingdom will come in less than one year, and excitedly begin to argue about who will be the greatest. John and Peter think it is all too obvious.

    Jesus rises from the table, removes His robe, and folds it on the bench. Quietly, He walks to the pitcher, opens the towel, wraps it around His waist, and pours water into the unused basin. Incredulously, the men watch Him as He carries it, kneels, and removes their dirty sandals to wash and dry their crusty feet.

    Drawing nearer to the cross, John remembers Jesus loosening the smelly straps of his salt stained sandals. He feels Him gently guiding his feet into the cool basin, washing the dust from his toes. Weeping, he remembers Jesus lifting his feet and tenderly drying them with the towel. Glancing up, John sees the twisted nails tearing at Jesus’ feet, blood oozing to the ground. Crying out in grief, he once again thrusts his head into his hands, shutting out the grim reality around him.

    Again, the events of last evening flow through his mind. After the meal, Jesus spoke of His betrayal, and confided to John that Judas Iscariot would be the traitor. Jesus walked with the eleven to their usual spot in the olive grove, teaching them along the way.

    But, suddenly, everything went horribly, horribly wrong.

    Unable to contain his grief, the scenes from the garden playing in his mind, John cries out between tear-filled sobs. “Failure! I am a terrible failure to a dear Friend! We fell asleep after He asked us to pray with Him. He was so troubled, and I fell asleep – three times! I despise Judas! After all we have been through, how could he lead that band of marauders to our secret meeting place?”

    In his mind’s eye, John sees Judas’ kiss, selling out Jesus for the price of a slave. His anger suddenly turns to remorse as he realizes that the rest of the twelve had also sold Him out. Numbly, John weeps, “We all deserted Him!”

    Scenes race through his mind. He recalls Peter passionately urging them to do something, anything. Learning that they brought Jesus to Annas, John agreed that his connections may enable them to get into the palace. There they would lurk in the shadows and observe. At least that was his plan; Peter wanted to get close to the action. While John hung back, Peter walked right up to the fire to hear the conversation. He was discovered, and at first tried to play dumb. Then he became afraid, and his denial became sincere to save his own skin. Brave Peter!

    Silently, John tries to comprehend what has transpired. Everything had been going so well, building to an obvious fulfillment. Just last week, the people hailed Him as the King. It was grand to be one of His closest confidants. Their hopes ran high as His reign drew near; they all wanted to command a high position in the coming Kingdom. But, literally overnight, He had been deposed and strung out to die. What happened? Why did He not defend Himself? Why not perform great miracles, or call down fire from heaven? Jesus just stood there, letting them spit in His face and hit Him. They mocked Him, the very Son of God!

    “I don’t understand,” John anguishes to himself, “If He is who He says He is, why is He dying? Why did He not turn those Sanhedrin dogs into stone to match their hearts?

    The night got worse after that. The priests trumped up charges of treason and rebellion so they could have Jesus murdered. There was not one legal aspect to the whole trial. Jesus knew this; why did He give up His rights? It was all a fraud, and He knew it. Why didn’t He use His power? He must have known where this was all going, and He just let it happen. The soldiers mocked Him with the robes and the bloody crown of thorns. They kneeled before Him and taunted Him. They gave Him a staff, and then took it from Him and used it to beat His head. How could they do that to Jesus, after He had healed their comrade’s ear last night?

    John lifts his head, and the reality of the present returns. Peering into the crowd through tear-stained eyes, seeing hatred in the eyes of people walking by, he cries out, “Have you no pity?”

    The voices of the chief priests, teachers, and elders jeer, “Come down from the cross and save Yourself, if You are the Son of God.”

    Silently, John wonders, “Why doesn’t He do it? Dear Jesus, why don’t you come down? I thought You would prove Yourself. I thought this would be the dramatic start of Your reign.” Shouting out, he cries, “Dear Jesus, please come down! Please! Please!”

    Slowly, Jesus forces His swollen eyes open and gazes into John’s eyes. Tenderly, He tells John to take good care of his mother. The realization that Jesus intends to die suffocates him like a heavy blanket. Drawing closer, he embraces Mary and closes his eyes in the midst of heavy sobs.

    Soon, John would witness eerie darkness over the land and hear his Master cry out from a suffering far worse than the process of death. Seemingly, all hope for life would be gone when John hears Jesus cry out, “It is finished,” then watches Him give up His life.

    But, before long John would understand that Jesus had a different sort of Kingdom in mind. He would learn that greatness comes not in position, but in servant-hood. Jesus’ death on the cross was the prime example of service, and it was very costly. We think of His death on the cross, but Jesus endured much more than the physical torment and pain. He sacrificed His rights as the Son of God and endured false accusations, false testimony, and illegal trials. The High Priest yielded to a high priest unworthy to bear the title. The Son of God was charged with blasphemy for truthfully stating His identity. The Creator of the universe was sold for the price of a slave without position. The crowd chose to save a murderer and murder the Savior.

    Jesus sacrificed His power and gave up His dignity. He even sacrificed His righteousness. He took on Himself the guilt, shame, and punishment of our sins, and endured the separation from the Father that we deserve. Jesus came to serve, and established His greatness when, in obedience to the Father and out of His love for us, He sacrificed limitless power, position, and righteousness for us, who deserve death and destruction.

    The American Heritage Dictionary defines sacrifice as, “The forfeiture of something highly valued for the sake of one considered to have a greater value or claim.” God the Father loves us so much that He forfeited something highly valued, His only Son, for the sake of something considered of greater value, reconciling us to Himself. He has called us to be His servants. When we forfeit ourselves in obedience and love for Him, it is no sacrifice at all.