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Washington Times Op-ed: Children Winning 'Mommy Wars' 

J. Michael Smith, HSLDA President

The "mommy wars" are heating up. ABC News recently highlighted an article written last fall by Linda Hirshman that criticized college-educated women for leaving the work force to raise children. The debate over the family has been intensifying as more women discover that something has to give when you try to work full time and raise a family.

The census figures confirm the trend that has caused Ms. Hirshman so much concern. The number of mothers with infants working full time, part time or seeking employment reached a peak of 58.7 percent in 1998. That number has been declining steadily every year since 1998 and reached 52.9 percent in 2004. 

According to Ms. Hirshman, the most troubling aspect of this trend is that
even women with graduate or professional degrees are turning away from the work force. Fifty-four percent of these women with degrees who have children younger than 1 are not working full time (of the 54 percent, 18 percent are working part time and 36 percent are not working at all). Even among those who have children who are not infants, 41 percent are not working full time (18 percent are working part time and 23 percent are not working at all).

Choice obviously plays the key role. More women are choosing to stay home and raise their children.

This trend also plays a role in the growth of homeschooling. Many women who seek the advantages of family life also choose to homeschool. In the
process, they rediscover the benefits of being "full time" with their
children.

The unfortunate truth is that working moms often miss seeing much of their younger children's development (first steps, first words, new discoveries, etc.) Homeschooling, especially as children get older, allows moms more time to interact and get to know their children better. Many working moms are tired from their workday, and the few concentrated hours in the evenings, when energy and emotional levels are low, are not ideal times for interaction.

For a woman working full time outside the home, simply juggling the various priorities between work and family can be overwhelming. Home-schooling is certainly challenging, but it focuses on one of a parent's highest priorities--children. Raising children who will be mature, educated,
involved citizens leaves a lasting legacy. If one's time is divided, it's
much more difficult to make the necessary investments in children. Many
full-time working women are working to make ends meet, but simply working to earn more money is not as fulfilling as many of us know.

Additionally, is the financial benefit that significant? Once the cost of
day care, eating out, added medical expenses from illnesses caught at the
day care center, a more expensive wardrobe for the job, additional
transportation needs, added baby-sitting for unexpected work-related
evening/weekend meetings, are tallied the financial benefits of working
outside the home diminish greatly.

An alternative is to work inside the home. With the advent of modern
technology there are more and more opportunities for women to earn a
part-time income at home. More homeschooling moms are taking advantage of work in the home as opportunities are becoming more readily available. These opportunities give women today so many more choices.

The lines are shifting in the "mommy wars." The trend is toward home and
family. As women are taking advantage of these opportunities and making wise choices for themselves and their families, it is likely that more women will choose to stay home and be motivated to make the commitment to home-school. Choosing to stay at home and spending more time with our children is a natural step to home education. It remains to be seen whether the trend will continue, but new technologies are giving women options and more women are exercising those options and staying home.

Michael Smith is the president of the Home School Legal Defense Association.

Dead child's mom sought discipline tips
Lynn Paddock ordered books by a minister and his wife that recommended using pipe to spank kids
Mandy Locke, Staff Writer

A few years ago, Lynn Paddock sought Christian advice on how to discipline her growing brood of adopted children.
Paddock -- a Johnston County mother accused of murdering Sean, her 4-year-old adopted son, and beating two other adopted children -- surfed the Internet, said her attorney, Michael Reece. She found literature by an evangelical minister and his wife who recommended using plumbing supply lines to spank misbehaving children.

Paddock ordered Michael and Debi Pearl's books and started spanking her adopted children as suggested. After Sean, the youngest of Paddock's six adopted children, died last month, his older sister and brother told investigators about Paddock's spankings.

Sean's 9-year-old brother was beaten so badly he limped, a prosecutor said. Bruises marred Sean's backside, too, doctors found.

Sean died after being wrapped so tightly in blankets he suffocated. That, too, was a form of punishment, Johnston County Sheriff Steve Bizzell said.

The Pearls' advice from their Web site: A swift whack with the plastic tubing would sting but not bruise. Give 10 licks at a time, more if the child resists. Be careful about using it in front of others -- even at church; nosy neighbors might call social workers. Save hands for nurturing, not disciplining. Heed the warning, taken from Proverbs in the Old Testament, that sparing the rod will spoil the child.

Paddock and other moms in her rural Baptist church chatted about the Pearls' strategies for rearing obedient children, Reece said.

"I think she was trying to do the right thing by her children," he said.

Paddock, 45, faces a possible lifetime behind bars or execution if convicted of causing Sean's death.

Paddock seems to have carefully followed the Pearls' teachings. Investigators found 2-foot lengths of plumbing supply line in several rooms of her remote farmhouse.

The Pearls offer shopping advice on their Web site, www.nogreaterjoy.org: "You can buy them for under $1.00 at Home Depot or any hardware store. They come cheaper by the dozen and can be widely distributed in every room and vehicle. Just the high profile of their accessibility will keep the kids in line."

The Pearls' first book, "To Train Up a Child," has sold more than 400,000 copies since it was published in 1994, according to Mel Cohen, general manager of the Pearls' business, No Greater Joy Ministries. After the book came out, so many readers wrote in with questions that the Pearls started a newsletter. Every two months, Cohen said, the Pleasantville, Tenn.-based ministry mails more than 60,000 newsletters to parents around the world.

The Pearls declined to be interviewed. "They feel the material speaks for itself," Cohen said.

Christian evangelicals who, like the Pearls, teach the importance of corporal punishment have loyal followers. The results are tangible, said Dot Ehlers, executive director of a Smithfield nonprofit who teaches parenting skills to mothers and fathers referred to them by the Johnston County Department of Social Services. She said about a quarter of the 60 parents she instructs each week say their faith defends and encourages corporal punishment.

The Pearls' techniques helped Sandy Hicks, a mother in Texas who said she was desperate to restore peace in her home.

"Some people would rather spend an hour reasoning with a defiant 5-year-old instead of requiring the kid to behave and giving him a swat if he doesn't," said Hicks, who said she has used a peach-tree switch to spank her four children. "Some people are just queasy about swatting their kids."

The Pearls' teachings helped mobilize another group of Christian parents to speak out against such corporal punishment. The Web site Stoptherod.net rails against the Pearls' first book; the Web site's founders, Susan and Steve Lawrence of Virginia, say the book "reads like a child abuse manual." The Web site encourages parents to post critical reviews of the book on Amazon.com.

Some of the Pearls' defenders say you can't blame them for parents who take their advice to an unhealthy extreme.

Gena Suarez, publisher of a magazine for home-schooling parents that publishes advertisements for the Pearls' books, said their teachings are often inappropriately used to defend child abuse.

"[The Pearls] are talking about something that would fit in a purse," Suarez said. "The only way you can kill a child with that is by shoving it down his throat."

The Pearls acknowledge that discipline turns to abuse when the "child is broken in spirit, cowed and subdued ..."

The minister advises one mother on his Web site: "I always give myself one swat before I swat the child to remind myself how much force to exert. It stings the skin without bruising or damaging tissue. It's a real attention-getter."

(News researchers Susan Ebbs, Becky Ogburn and Lamara Williams-Hackett contributed to this report.)

Staff writer Mandy Locke can be reached at 829-8927 or mandy.locke@newsobserver.com.

© Copyright 2006, The News & Observer Publishing Company
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