Product Label Instructions For Idiots:

On Sears hair dryer:
Do not use while sleeping.

On a bag of Fritos:
You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.

On a bar of Dial soap:
Directions: Use like regular soap.

Some Swanson frozen dinners:
Serving suggestion: Defrost.

On a hotel-provided shower cap in a box:
Fits one head.

On Tesco's Tiramisu desert:
Do not turn upside down. (Printed on the bottom of the box.)

On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding:
Product will be hot after heating

On packaging for a Rowenta Iron:
Do not iron clothes on body

On Boot's Children's Cough Medicine
Do not drive car or operate machinery

On Nytol (a sleep aid):
Warning: may cause drowsiness

On a Korean kitchen knife:
Warning keep out of children

On a string of Chinese-made Christmas lights:
For indoor or outdoor use only.

On a Japanese food processor:
Not to be used for the other use

On Sainsbury's Peanuts
Warning: contains nuts

On an American Airlines packet of nuts:
Instructions: open packet, eat nuts.

On a Swedish chain saw:
Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands.

[GOTCHA!]

World's Easiest Quiz:

(Answers at the bottom. . . Hey - NO Cheating)

Write your answers down before looking at the answers. If you get more than 2 wrong, remedial education is available.

1. How long did the Hundred Years War last?

2. Which country makes Panama hats?

3. From which animal do we get catgut?

4. In which month do Russians celebrate the October Revolution?

5. What is a camel's hair brush made of?

6. The Canary Islands in the Pacific are named after what animal?

7. What was King George VI's first name?

8. What color is a purple finch?

9. Where are Chinese gooseberries from?

10. How long did the Thirty Years War last?






ANSWERS TO THE QUIZ


1. 116 years, from 1337 to 1453.

2. Ecuador.

3. From sheep and horses.

4. November. The Russian calendar was 13 days behind ours.

5. Squirrel fur.

6. The Latin name was Insularia Canaria - Island of the Dogs.

7. Albert. When he came to the throne in 1936 he respected the wish of Queen Victoria that no future king should ever be called Albert.

8. Distinctively crimson.

9. New Zealand.

10. Thirty years, of course. From 1618 to 1648.

GOTCHA!

Famous Dog Quotes:

"Whoever said you can't buy happiness forgot about puppies."
Gene Hill

"In dog years, I'm dead."
Unknown

"Dogs feel very strongly that they should always go with you in the car, in case the need should arise for them to bark violently at nothing right in your ear."
Dave Barry

"Outside of a dog, a book is probably man's best friend; inside of a dog, it's too dark to read."
Groucho Marx

"To his dog, every man is Napoleon; hence the constant popularity of dogs."
Aldous Huxley

"A dog teaches a boy fidelity, perseverance, and to turn around three times before lying down."
Robert Benchley

"Did you ever walk into a room and forget why you walked in? I think that's how dogs spend their lives."
Sue Murphy

"I loathe people who keep dogs. They are cowards who haven't got the guts to bite people themselves."
August Strindberg

"No animal should ever jump up on the dining room furniture unless absolutely certain that he can hold his own in the conversation."
Fran Lebowitz

"Some days you're the dog; some days you're the hydrant."
Unknown

"Ever consider what they must think of us? I mean, here we come back from a grocery store with the most amazing haul: chicken, pork, half a cow. They must think we're the greatest hunters on earth!"
Anne Tyler

"I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult."
Rita Rudner

"Don't accept your dog's admiration as conclusive evidence that you are wonderful."
Ann Landers

"Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea."
Robert A. Heinlein

"In order to keep a true perspective of one's importance, everyone should have a dog that will worship him and a cat that will ignore him."
Dereke Bruce

"There is no psychiatrist in the world like a puppy licking your face."
Ben Williams

"When a man's best friend is his dog, that dog has a problem."
Edward Abbey

"Cat's motto: No matter what you've done wrong, always try to make it look like the dog did it."
Unknown

"Money will buy you a pretty good dog, but it won't buy the wag of his tail."
Unknown

"No one appreciates the very special genius of your conversation as the dog does."
Christopher Morley

"Man is a dog's idea of what God should be."
Holbrook Jackson

"The average dog is a nicer person than the average person."
Andrew A. Rooney

"If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you; that is the principal difference between a dog and a man."
Mark Twain

"I've seen a look in dogs' eyes, a quickly vanishing look of amazed contempt, and I am convinced that basically dogs think humans are nuts."
John Steinbeck

Delete this spammer before I go Sandow on him!

Oklahoma Howdy to Tibby,

     I'm not sure what that is, but I have some telemarketers I would love to give you for some boxing lessons.  

I'm on the State and National Do Not Call lists, and the only ones who don't call me are the administrators of the Do Not Call Lists.  

The spam has been deleted and the thread belongs to you.

In Christ,
Tom

Diet And Health:

An 85-year-old couple, having been married almost 60 years, had died in a car crash. They had been in good health the last ten years mainly due to the wife's interest in health food and exercise. When they reached the pearly gates, St. Peter took them to their mansion, which was decked out with a beautiful kitchen and master bath suite and Jacuzzi. As they "oohed and aahed," the old man asked Peter how much all this was going to cost.

"It's free," Peter replied, "This is Heaven."

Next they surveyed the championship golf course behind the home. They would have golfing privileges every day, and every week the course changed to a new one representing the great golf courses on earth. The old man asked, "What are the green fees?"

Peter's reply, "This is Heaven, you play for free."

Next they went to the clubhouse and saw the lavish buffet lunch with cuisines of the world. "How much to eat?" asked the old man.

"Don't you understand yet? This is Heaven, it's free!," Peter replied with some exasperation.

"Well, where are the low fat and low cholesterol tables?" the old man asked timidly. Peter explained, "That's the best part--you can eat as much as you like of whatever you like and you never get fat and you never get sick. This is Heaven!" With that the old man went into a fit of anger, throwing down his hat and stomping on it, and shrieking wildly. Peter and the man's wife both tried to calm him down, asking him what was wrong.

The old man looked at his wife and said, "This is all your fault! If it weren't for your blasted bran muffins, I could have been here ten years ago!"

Oklahoma Howdy to All,

I post this for thought and additional study, not debate.

First, if you are a child of God, you have been baptized by the Holy Ghost (Holy Spirit), with or without water baptism. I love my brothers and sisters in Christ who have been baptized in water and have no desire to hurt anyone's feelings or cause any to question their faith.

What follows is a series of questions and answers I believe the Holy Bible supports with overwhelming evidence. The end question is where these questions and answers takes you.

Was there water and blood prior to the cross?

Yes. There was the blood of animals used in sacrifice and water baptism as a shadow of things to come. Water baptism was a cleansing ritual.
__________

Was there water and blood at the cross?

Yes. There was the precious blood of Jesus, water from HIS side, and our Lord and Saviour, THE LIVING WATER.
__________

Is there water and blood after the cross?

Yes. The precious blood of Jesus cleanses HIS children of all unrighteousness. The shadow of cleansing by water became the reality of the perfect sacrifice and cleansing by the very blood of our precious Lord and Saviour. The water is not earthly water, rather it is LIVING WATER, springing up unto eternal life through and in Jesus Christ. We have the LIVING WATER in our hearts.

Thanks be unto God for HIS unspeakable GIFT!

Love In Christ,
Tom
 

Oklahoma Howdy to 4JC and Tibby,

     Thanks, I needed those laughs.

In Christ,
Tom

Oklahoma Howdy to Paul,

I really don't know much about dancing, so I would have a vague understanding of what line dancing is. I would think this area of the country would be known more for square-dancing.

Oklahoma is far West of the Mississippi, quite some distance from Kentucky. Oklahoma is above Texas on the map, as it should be.    Just a little jab at my friends from Texas. However, most of my family are from Texas. The greatest influence on my family was and is Almighty God.

In Christ,
Tom

Hoekstra Devotion - November 2

Moses Esteeming Christ's Riches above Egypt's, by Faith:

By faith Moses, when he became of age, refused to be called the son of Pharaoh's daughter, choosing rather to suffer affliction with the people of God than to enjoy the passing pleasures of sin, esteeming the reproach of Christ greater riches than the treasures in Egypt; for he looked to the reward.  (Heb_11:24-26)

By faith, Moses renounced his place of privilege in Pharoah's family, choosing to identify himself with God's people. He knew that loss and suffering awaited him. Yet, he was strengthened to make this life-shaping decision by esteeming Christ's riches above Egypt's, by faith.

When Moses identified with the Israelites, he was joining himself to the people of the Messiah, the Anointed One (the Christ). From the earliest days, the people of God had been promised an Anointed Deliverer. "And I will put enmity between you and the woman, and between your seed and her Seed; He [the Savior] shall bruise your head, and you shall bruise His heel . . . I will bless those who bless you, and I will curse him who curses you; and in you [by the coming of Messiah] all the families of the earth shall be blessed . . . The scepter shall not depart from Judah, nor a lawgiver from between his feet, until Shiloh [the Prince of Peace] comes; and to Him shall be the obedience of the people" (Gen_3:15; Gen_12:3; and Gen_49:10).

Yet, this heaven-sent King, as well as His people, would encounter reproach. "He is despised and rejected by men, a man of sorrows and acquainted with grief. And we hid, as it were, our faces from Him; He was despised, and we did not esteem Him . . . Also the sons of those who afflicted you shall come bowing to you, and all those who despised you shall fall prostrate at the soles of your feet; and they shall call you The City of the LORD, Zion of the Holy One of Israel" (Isa_53:3 and Isa_60:14). In spite of such reproach, Moses joined himself to the Messiah and His people. Moses understood that it was more enriching to stand with a divine, though despised, Messiah than to have all the material treasures of Egypt: "esteeming the reproach of Christ greater riches than the treasures in Egypt." He made this wise evaluation by considering the eternal consequences: "for he looked to the reward." He anticipated eternal realities that subsequent men of God would powerfully proclaim. "God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever . . . . Whereas you have been forsaken and hated . . . I will make you an eternal excellence, a joy of many generations" (Psa_73:26 and Isa_60:15).

Dear Jesus, the Christ, my Messiah, I want to stand with You and Your people, even if it means sharing in Your reproach. I know that You will strengthen me now and be my portion forever. By Your eternal excellencies make me a joy to others now, as I await with eager anticipation Your everlasting kingdom, Amen.

do you have regular barn dances then,and is there always an old fella playing the harmonica or is it the acordian.

God bless
paul.

Oklahoma Howdy to Paul,

My family is huge and many of them are musically inclined. Part of the family did square-dancing, but I'm from the part of the family who don't dance. It's really ironic you should ask this question. We used to have large family gatherings and provide our own music. I must say they were good and many of them had professional careers in music, mainly Gospel or Country and Western.

They had just about every musical instrument you could imagine, but their favorites were usually the types used for Bluegrass Music (Country Folk Music). The minimum lineup was 5 or more types of guitars (including banjo, mandolin, 12 string, steel, etc.), 2 or more types of violins (bass and regular fiddle for country folks),  (yes) several types of harmonicas, (yes) an accordion, a full set of drums, a piano, and everyone sang. We didn't dance on the big family gatherings since many in the family didn't believe in dancing. We just sang and had fun with good "toe-tappin'" music - more fun than a frog-jumpin' contest.  

In Christ,
Tom  

Brothers and Sisters, THANKS!

Prayer is a Blessing from God. In reading the last posts, I was thinking about the joy and encouragement of being able to approach the Throne of Grace in prayer and what it must have been like for the people of the Old Testament. We now have an advocate with the FATHER and HIS HOLY SPIRIT in our hearts.

Each of you are in my prayers daily. I pray that God's Will be done in our lives for HIS Glory. I pray that our times of illness and difficulty in this short life will bring each of us closer to our Lord and Saviour, Jesus Christ.

Love In Christ,
Tom

Oklahoma Howdy to Symphony,

     Thanks, I needed that laugh. I also love that picture of the cross-eyed chimp. There's something about that picture that takes you immediately into another dimension. YES, that's right, The Twilight Zone. (dodododododododo).  

Some of the younger people who don't know what that is are probably going, "Huh?"

In Christ,
Tom

i haven't really got a clue about oklahoma,but straight away had a picture in my head when you said howdy,that makes me think of a cowboy,or a hillbilly with a peice of straw in his mouth,howdy partner,don't know where i got it from,must be of that tele.
anyway thanks for the welcome,do you say 'yee haa' aswell.
oh and i'm from the welsh valleys in the u.k.where the old folks say things like 'alright boyo' and  'go and sit over by there mun' or ' come over by here mun'. we can't say come here or go there we always have to add a few extra words.
anyway.
God bless.
paul.

Oklahoma Howdy to Paul,

It is possible to have considerable fun with stereotyping, especially if you are open minded enough to analyze your own thoughts about how we all categorize people we've never met.

I do say "Howdy" on a fairly regular basis, but I use it here for fun and trying to imagine the reaction of the person reading it. I loved the description you gave of your initial thoughts of Okies. Yes, every now and then folks do say "yee haa" here and in several other Southern states. It's also interesting to learn how some words originated. As an example, "Howdy" is short for "how do you do".

Stereotyping is really a fun topic, especially when you understand what a natural and almost automatic process it is. Let me give you one other example that would be true across America. If you saw a large group of characters wearing rags on their heads and leather jackets with colors (sown patches), most folks fear for their safety and think it is a motorcycle gang. It is a motorcycle gang, one of the largest in the US, the Blue Knights (Cops). You wouldn't believe how much fun they have with that.

In Christ,
Tom

Hoekstra Devotion - November 1

Moses Refusing Egypt, Choosing God's People, by Faith:

By faith Moses, when he became of age, refused to be called the son of Pharaoh's daughter, choosing rather to suffer affliction with the people of God than to enjoy the passing pleasures of sin.  (Heb_11:24-25)

The natural tendency of humanity is to desire privilege and pleasure. Moses certainly had these two abundantly available to him in Egypt. Yet, he demonstrated the impact that trusting in the Lord can have by refusing Egypt and choosing God's people.

When the daughter of Pharoah discovered baby Moses, she decided to raise him as her child. "Moses was born . . . and he was brought up in his father's house for three months. But when he was set out, Pharaoh's daughter took him away and brought him up as her own son" (Act_7:20-21). As an offspring of the palace, Moses had access to the very best of human education, and he became proficient in all that was provided for him. "And Moses was learned in all the wisdom of the Egyptians, and was mighty in words and deeds" (Act_7:22). In terms of conventional earthly perspectives, Moses was guaranteed a life of privilege and pleasure.

However, when he reached the age of relative maturity, his heart was drawn in a distinctively different direction. "But when he was forty years old, it came into his heart to visit his brethren, the children of Israel" (Act_7:23). The wording implies that he had been taught of his link with the Israelites as he was growing up in Pharoah's household. Eventually, his heart was stirred by this connection, and he made a life-shaping decision, by faith. "By faith Moses, when he became of age, refused to be called the son of Pharaoh's daughter." He decided to renounce his place of privilege in Pharoah's family and to identify himself with God's people. He was aware that this choice was a renunciation of a pleasure-filled life and would inevitably lead to suffering: "choosing rather to suffer affliction with the people of God than to enjoy the passing pleasures of sin."

To commit to the palace would have been pleasurable, but sinful. Furthermore, those sinful pleasures would have been temporary. On the other hand, the blessings of following the leading of the Lord would last forever. Moses' heavenly perspective was much like the Psalmist "For a day in Your courts is better than a thousand [that is, anyplace else]. I would rather be a doorkeeper in the house of my God than dwell in the tents of wickedness" (Psa_84:10).

Heavenly Father, help me to discern whenever the offer of human privilege is competing with Your will for my life. Please give me a heart to identify with Your people, even though inconvenience or suffering might result. Strengthen my faith to choose eternal blessings over the passing pleasures of sin, Amen.

Oklahoma Howdy to Ambassador4Christ,

   - Good one, but Texans are too liberal.