Laughter - Good Medicine

[nChrist]

=======================See Page 4

A Classic of Classics: Who's On First?
by Bud Abbott and Lou Costello - Page 4

Lou: Who has it?

Bud: Naturally

Lou: Naturally?

Bud: Naturally.

Lou: I throw the ball to naturally

Bud: No, you throw the ball to Who!

Lou: Naturally

Bud: Naturally

Lou: So I throw the ball to who?

Bud: Naturally

Lou: Same as you! Same as you!

Bud: You throw the ball to who, Who gets it.

Lou: He'd better get it!

Bud: That's it. All right now, don't get excited. Take it easy

Lou (in a right state now): Now I throw the ball to first base, whoever it is grabs the ball, so the guy runs to second.

Bud: Uh-huh.

Lou: Who picks up the ball and throws it to what. What throws it to I don't know. I don't know throws it back to tomorrow. Triple play!

Bud: Could be

Lou: Another guy gets up, and it's a long fly-ball to Because. Why? I don't know, he's on third and I don't give a darn

Bud: what was that?

Lou: I said I don't give a darn!

Bud: Oh, that's our short stop!

LOU: ABBOTT!

What Abbott & Costello film was "Who's on first" in?

A portion of it was used in "One night in the tropics", it was played in it's entirety in "The Naughty Nineties" and was heard on the TV show: "Retired Actors Home". It also had a quick cameo in "Who done it?" (per www.louandbud.com)

[airIam2worship]

       
did you know GOD had a car in the Garden of Eden. The Bible says God drove Adam and Eve out of the Garden in His fury.
Did you know that the Bible tells us what potato chips to eat? The book of Deutoronomy says 'get wise.

[nChrist]

   

Overrun By Squirrels:

There was a certain town that had been overrun by thousands of squirrels. Nobody could figure out how to get rid of the cute, but pesky little critters.

There were three churches in the town. The first church board met, prayed, and decided that if God predestined the squirrels to be there, then they should by no means interfere with His plan. Of course, the problem got worse and worse.

The second church board met and prayed, and decided to humanely trap the squirrels, take them into the wilderness and release them in the forest. This worked for a couple weeks, but soon they were overrun again with the animals.

Only the third church came up with the perfect solution. The board gathered a team which caught the squirrels, baptized them, and put them on the church membership rolls. Now they only see the critters on Christmas and Easter.

[airIam2worship]

I just told my 2 teens (girls) the blonds and the chickens joke. First of all I had to tell them the joke 3 times, then I had to break it down for them. AND THEY AREN"T EVEN BLONDS, they are brunettes.
One day my daughter was vacuuming her room and the vac bag was so full it exploded, well she yelled to my grand daughter, Laly hurry run and get me a winn-dixie bag (a plastic shopping bag), well my grandaughter ran to the kitchen to  get one and was gone about 5 minutes in the meantime, my daughter kept yelling HURRY. Lally came back and asked her mom "where are they again?" Well my daughter told her and after another 5 minutes, my daughter came back empty handed and announced to her mom "Mom we don't have any winn-dixie bags, we have Publix, Walmart, Albertson's, but no winn-dixie bags." That's another brunette.
 

[nChrist]

   

Two Robins:

Two robins were sitting in a tree.

"I'm really hungry," said the first one. "Let's fly down and find some lunch.."

They flew down to the ground and found a nice plot of newly plowed ground that was full of worms. They ate and ate and ate till they could eat no more.

"I'm so full, I don't think I can fly back up into the tree," said the first one. "Let's just lay here and bask in the warm summer sun," said the second.

"O K," said the first. So they plopped down, basking in the warm sunshine.

No sooner had they fallen asleep, when a big fat tomcat came and gobbled them up. As the cat sat washing his face after his meal, he thought...

"I JUST LOVE BASKIN ROBINS."

[airIam2worship]

You know it's so amazing how young people have such an innocent sense of humor. Too bad they lose it as they get older. The following are not jokes, just as my previous post was not a joke but true to life.
One day my husband and I were driving past the Altell stadium, it 99 degrees. The marquee outside the stadium clearly read 99. My daught then 8 or 9 said so innocently "Wow the Jaguars have won 99 games so far." (by the way it wasn't football season), my other daughter elbowed her and said "That's the temperature, you dummy." Well the younger one didn't say another word until we got about 5 miles past the stadium, and we passed a speed limit sigh, it read '45 mph'. This really flabbergasted my younger one who in her wildest surprise yelled out "OH My! The temperature really dropped fast!!!".
Hey maybe we outta get a new forum here and name it 'Kids say the danrdest things' I bet we can all get a good laugh.

[Shammu]

 

Overrun By Squirrels:

There was a certain town that had been overrun by thousands of squirrels. Nobody could figure out how to get rid of the cute, but pesky little critters.

There were three churches in the town. The first church board met, prayed, and decided that if God predestined the squirrels to be there, then they should by no means interfere with His plan. Of course, the problem got worse and worse.

The second church board met and prayed, and decided to humanely trap the squirrels, take them into the wilderness and release them in the forest. This worked for a couple weeks, but soon they were overrun again with the animals.

Only the third church came up with the perfect solution. The board gathered a team which caught the squirrels, baptized them, and put them on the church membership rolls. Now they only see the critters on Christmas and Easter.

Why is it, this reminds me of Ray Stevens, The Mississippi Squirrel Revival  

Well, when I was a kid I'd take a trip every summer down the Mississippi
To visit my granny in her antebellum world
I'd run barefooted all day long climbin' trees free as a song
And one day I happened to catch myself a squirrel
Well, I stuffed him down in an old shoe box, punched a couple of holes in the top
And when Sunday came I snuck him into Church
I was sittin' way back in the very last pew showin' him to my good buddy Hugh
When that squirrel got loose and went totally berserk
Well, what happened next is hard to tell
Some thought it was heaven others thought it was hell
But the fact that something was among us was plain to see
As the choir sang "I Surrender All" the squirrel ran up Harv Newlan's coveralls
Harv leaped to his feet and said, "Somethin's got a hold on me", Yeow!

Chorus

    The day the squirrel went berserk
    In the First Self-Righteous Church
    In the sleepy little town of Pascagoula
    It was a fight for survival that broke out in revival
    They were jumpin' pews and shoutin' Hallelujah!

Well, Harv hit the aisles dancin' and screamin'
Some thought he had religion others thought he had a demon
And Harv thought he had a weed eater loose in his Fruit-Of-The-Looms
He fell to his knees to plead and beg and the squirrel ran out of his britches leg
Unobserved to the other side of the room
All the way down to the amen pew where sat Sister Bertha better-than-you
Who'd been watchin' all the commotion with sadistic glee
But you should've seen the look in her eyes
When that squirrel jumped her garters and crossed her thighs
She jumped to her feet and said "Lord have mercy on me"
As the squirrel made laps inside her dress
She began to cry and then to confess to sins that would make a sailor blush with shame
She told of gossip and church dissension but the thing that got the most attention
Was when she talked about her love life and then she started naming names

Chorus

    The day the squirrel went berserk
    In the First Self-Righteous Church
    In that sleepy little town of Pascagoula
    It was a fight for survival that broke out in revival
    They were jumpin' pews and shoutin' Hallelujah!

Well seven deacons and the pastor got saved,
Twenty-five thousand dollars was raised and fifty volunteered
For missions in the Congo on the spot
Even without an invitation there were at least five hundred rededications
And we all got baptized whether we needed it or not
Now you've heard the bible story I guess
How he parted the waters for Moses to pass
Oh the miracles God has wrought in this old world
But the one I'll remember 'til my dyin' day
Is how he put that Church back on the narrow way
With a half crazed Mississippi squirrel

Chorus

    The day the squirrel went berserk
    In the First Self-Righteous Church
    In the sleepy little town of Pascagoula
    It was a fight for survival that broke out in revival
    They was jumpin' pews and shoutin' Hallelujah!

The Mississippi Squirrel Revival lyrics

[airIam2worship]

That is hillarious. I haven't laughed so hard all day long.

[Soldier4Christ]

I remember that song well, Brother Bob. This old world needs an army of those crazed squirrels right now.

 

[nChrist]

You know it's so amazing how young people have such an innocent sense of humor. Too bad they lose it as they get older. The following are not jokes, just as my previous post was not a joke but true to life.
One day my husband and I were driving past the Altell stadium, it 99 degrees. The marquee outside the stadium clearly read 99. My daught then 8 or 9 said so innocently "Wow the Jaguars have won 99 games so far." (by the way it wasn't football season), my other daughter elbowed her and said "That's the temperature, you dummy." Well the younger one didn't say another word until we got about 5 miles past the stadium, and we passed a speed limit sigh, it read '45 mph'. This really flabbergasted my younger one who in her wildest surprise yelled out "OH My! The temperature really dropped fast!!!".
Hey maybe we outta get a new forum here and name it 'Kids say the danrdest things' I bet we can all get a good laugh.

   

Hello airIam2worship,

We have an area like that - it's under "Parenting". And, YES!!, some of the best humor is from children. We have some real stories there and some jokes.

[nChrist]

Dreamweaver,

       Ref. Ray Stevens, The Mississippi Squirrel Revival:

It's been many years since I've heard that song. It's a classic and gets funnier over the years.  
_______________________

Question - What is the difference between a liberal and a puppy?

Answer - A puppy stops whining after it grows up.

_______________________

Some might groan over my joke, but I liked it.

I don't know why, but I never get invited to any liberal functions or events.  

[Shammu]

Dreamweaver,

       Ref. Ray Stevens, The Mississippi Squirrel Revival:

It's been many years since I've heard that song. It's a classic and gets funnier over the years.  

I love that song, I have it on CD.

_______________________

Question - What is the difference between a liberal and a puppy?

Answer - A puppy stops whining after it grows up.

Thats not as bad as some of my groaners!

_______________________

Some might groan over my joke, but I liked it.

I don't know why, but I never get invited to any liberal functions or events.  

Funny, I don't get invited to any liberal functions or events..    

[nChrist]

Red Skelton On Marriage:

1. Two times a week, we go to a nice restaurant, have a little beverage, then comes good food and companionship. She goes on Tuesdays, I go on Fridays.

2. We also sleep in separate beds. Her's is in Ontario and mine is in Tucson.

3. I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.

4. I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our anniversary."Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!" she said. So I suggested the kitchen. I then went someplace I hadn't been in a long time: the ER

5. We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.

6. She has an electric blender, electric toaster and electric bread maker. Then she said "There are too many gadgets and no place to sit down!" So I bought her an electric chair.

7. My wife told me the car wasn't running well because there was water in the carburetor. I asked where the car was, she told me "In the Lake."

8. She got a mudpack and looked great for two days. Then the mud fell off.

9. She ran after the garbage truck, yelling "Am I too late for the garbage?" The driver said "No, jump in!"

10. Remember. Marriage is the number one cause of divorce.

11. I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always.

12. I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months. I don't like to interrupt her.

13. The last fight was my fault. My wife asked "What's on the TV?" I said "Dust."

[nChrist]

No one believes seniors . . . everyone thinks they are senile. An Elderly couple were celebrating their sixtieth anniversary.

The couple had married as childhood sweethearts and had moved back to their old neighborhood after they retired.

Holding hands they walked back to their old school.

It was not locked, so they entered, and found the old desk they'd shared, where Andy had carved "I love you, Sally."

On their way back home, a bag of money fell out of an armored car, practically landing at their feet. Sally quickly picked it up, but not sure what to do with it, they took it home.

There, she counted the money--fifty-thousand dollars.

Andy said, "We've got to give it back."

Sally said, "Finders keepers." She put the money back in the bag
and hid it in their attic.

The next day, two FBI men were canvassing the neighborhood
looking for the money, and knock on the door.

"Pardon me, but did either of you find a bag that fell out of an armored car yesterday?" Sally said, "No."

Andy said, "She's lying. She hid it up in the attic."

Sally said, "Don't believe him, he's getting senile."

The agents turn to Andy and began to question him.
One says: "Tell us the story from the beginning."

Andy said, "Well, when Sally and I were walking home from school yesterday . "

The first FBI guy turns to his partner and says, "We're outta here."

[nChrist]

The Consumer

Bear in mind that the consumer is not a moron. She is your wife. Don't insult her intelligence.
David Ogilvy


Age

Just remember, when you're over the hill, you begin to pick up speed.
Charles Schulz


Baseball

Baseball may be the nation's game;
With throw and run and hit;
But first among the skills, it seems,
Is learning how to spit.
Art Buck


Beauty

Beauty isn't worth thinking about. You don't want a fifty-dollar haircut on a fifty-cent head.
Garrison Keillor