It's a small world.

Yes, Sir - it is.  My grandfolks were "Hardshell" Baptist.  I'm not sure they ever went to a Sunday service that wasn't in a tent.  They would drive 50 to 100 miles every Sunday just to find that tent.

Are there any 'Hardshell' Baptists left?

LOL brother - what memories!

Oklahoma Howdy to JudgeNot,

Brother, I'll have to admit that I've led a fairly sheltered life in terms of church services. I really don't know much about denominations. I've always attended tiny churches with an address or a location for a name. My dad held services on street corners, tents, barns, homes, back yards, school buildings, and wherever folks invited him to come. I guess the closest description we could come up with would be "Grace Bible Church." My dad passed away, but the little church is still thriving.

Love In Christ,
Tom

[and depth]

Jesus lovingly died in our place to pay that penalty which we owed.

Yes, sir, Mr Bep - why can't all of our brothers and sisters see that, and understand the simplicity -- and depth -- of His love?

It seems so, --- so EASY!  I pray for eyes and ears and minds and hearts to be opened.

Thank you again, Tom - you touch our hearts.
Jamie

Oklahoma Howdy to JudgeNot,

Brother, you are most welcome. This subject compliments what I have been thinking about and praying about for weeks, Christian love. The results are just as simple. I did nothing to deserve Jesus loving me and dying for me, and I accepted that precious, eternal GIFT. My heart should be so overflowing with joy and appreciation that I share the Good News with others in CHRISTIAN LOVE and light a path that may lead others to Christ. I'm learning there is great joy and peace when I yield to HIS will and purpose and serve HIM.

I hope and pray that all Christians yield to HIS will and enjoy peace and joy this world will never be able to offer. I love one other comparison I must share. We are just passing through, and our citizenship is in Heaven.

Thanks be unto God for HIS unspeakable GIFT!

Love In Christ,
Tom
 

Oklahoma Howdy to Symphony,

Hmmm.  Sounds like bep been learning his lesson.  


Where do get all these, bep.  Funny!!

I get quite a few in Email from friends and family, but my wife is a school teacher and teachers trade jokes all the time to maintain sanity.    I used to post them more often, but we're not getting as many as we used to for some reason. I understand that the teachers send them back and forth between schools, and I'd love to get on their Email list. You know they live on the edge, and most of them aren't quite right by the end of a normal day with all of those kids.  

If I can ever find them, I saved police jokes for years. In fact, I had a police humor thread on my BBS, 357 Magnum, for many years. There would be a thousand or more, and I would love to find them. If I do, I'll post some of the best ones. It was a FIDOnet BBS, and I was a Net Coordinator. A thread was local to one machine, and echos were either area, national, or international. Believe it or not, I processed as many as 2500 messages a day through my system. I probably have thousands of regular jokes some place, but I can't find them either. Several of the echos were all humor. Just for trivia, I served as an International Moderator for FIDOnet's ASKACOP Echo for many years. The Internet killed the vast majority of Bulletin Boards, and that's a shame.

Did you ever visit an old-fashioned Bulletin Board?

Love in Christ,
Tom

Oklahoma Howdy to 2nd Timothy,

AMEN Brother! I really enjoyed your testimony. I love to hear what Jesus is doing with his children.

Thanks be unto God for HIS unspeakable GIFT!

Love In Christ,
Tom

Oklahoma Howdy to JudgeNot,

Brother, I'm really glad that I found and read your testimony. It was a blessing to me, and I thank you for sharing. It is beautiful to reflect and enjoy the love of our precious Lord and Saviour, Jesus Christ!

Love In Christ,
Tom

(An old one, but I like it.)

Gifts for Teacher:

It was the end of the school year, and a kindergarten teacher was receiving gifts from her pupils. The florist's son handed her a gift. She shook it, held it overhead, and said, "I bet I know what it is.
Some flowers."

"That's right" the boy said, "but how did you know?" "Oh, just a wild guess," she said.

The next pupil was the sweet shop owner's daughter. The teacher held her gift overhead, shook it, and said, "I bet I can guess what it is. A box of sweets."

"That's right, but how did you know?" asked the girl. "Oh, just a wild guess," said the teacher.

The next gift was from the son of the liquor store owner. The teacher held the package overhead, but it was leaking. She touched a drop of the leakage with her finger and touched it to her tongue.

"Is it wine?" she asked.

"No," the boy replied, with some excitement.

The teacher repeated the process, taking a larger drop of the leakage to her tongue.

"Is it champagne?" she asked.

"No," the boy replied, with more excitement. The teacher took one more taste before declaring, "I give up, what is it?"

With great glee, the boy replied, "It's a puppy!"

Rules Guys Wish Girls Knew:


If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.

Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not quests to see if he can find the perfect gift.

If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.

Sometimes, he's not thinking about you. Live with it.

Don't ask about his thoughts unless you want to discuss navel lint, shotguns, or monster trucks.

Get rid of your cat. And no, it's not different. It's just like every other cat.

A dog is better than ANY cat. Period.

Shopping is not a sport.

Crying is blackmail. Use it if you must, but don't expect him to submit to it.

Your ex-boyfriend is, was, and always will be an idiot.

Ask for what you want. Subtle hints don't work.

No, he doesn't know what day it is. He never will. Mark important days on a calendar.

Most guys own two to three pairs of shoes. What makes you think he would be any good at choosing which pair, out of your thirty, would look good with your dress?

Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers.

Your Mom doesn't have to be our best friend.

Check your oil.

Anything said 6 or 8 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. All comments become null and void after 7 days.

If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad and/or angry, we meant the other one.

You can either ask him to do something or tell him how you want it done - not both.

Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

Slogans for Women's T-shirts:

I'm out of estrogen, but I have a gun!

Guys have feelings too, but who cares?

I used to be schizophrenic, but we're OK now.

I'm busy. You're ugly. Have a nice day.

Warning: I have an attitude and I know how to use it.

Why do people with closed minds always open their mouths?

I'm multi-talented: I can talk and annoy you at the same time.

Do NOT start with me You will NOT win.

You have the right to remain silent, so please SHUT UP.

All stressed out and no one to choke.

I'm one of those bad things that happen to good people.

How can I miss you if you won't go away?

(It's an old one, but I like it.)

The Chicken Farmer:

A city slicker moves to the country and decides he's going to take up farming. He heads to the local feed store and tells the man, "Give me 100 baby chickens." The feed store man complies.

A week later the man returns and says, "Give me 200 baby chickens." The feed store man complies.

Again, a week later the man returns. This time he says,

"Give me 500 baby chickens."

"Wow!" the feed store man replies. "You must really be doing well!" "Naw," said the man with a sigh. "I'm either planting them too deep or too far apart!"

Smart Dog:

A butcher is working, and really busy. He notices a dog in his shop and shoos him away. Later, he notices the dog is back again.

He walks over to the dog, and notices the dog has a note in his mouth.

The butcher takes the note, and it reads, "Can I have 12 sausages and a leg of lamb, please."

The butcher looks, and lo and behold, in the dog's mouth, there is a ten dollar bill. So the butcher takes the money, puts the sausages and lamb in a bag, and places it in the dog's mouth.

The butcher is very impressed, and since it's closing time, he decides to close up shop and follow the dog. So, off he goes.

The dog is walking down the street and comes to a crossing. The dog puts down the bag, jumps up and presses the crossing button. Then he waits patiently, bag in mouth, for the lights to change. They do, and he walks across the road, with the butcher following.

The dog then comes to a bus stop, and starts looking at the timetable.

The butcher is in awe at this stage. The dog checks out the times, and sits on one of the seats to wait for the bus.

Along comes a bus. The dog walks to the front of the bus, looks at the number, and goes back to his seat. Another bus comes. Again the dog goes and looks at the number, notices it's the right bus, and
climbs on. The butcher, by now open-mouthed, follows him onto the bus.

The bus travels through town and out to the suburbs. Eventually the dog gets up, moves to the front of the bus, and standing on his hind legs, pushes the button to stop the bus. The dog gets off, groceries still
in his mouth, and the butcher still following.

They walk down the road, and the dog approaches a house. He walks up the path, and drops the groceries on the step. Then he walks back down the path, takes a big run, and throws himself -wham!- against the door.

He goes back down the path, takes another run, and throws himself -wham!- against the door again! There's no answer at the door, so the dog goes back down the path, jumps up on a narrow wall, and walks along the perimeter of the garden. He gets to a window, and bangs his head against it several times. He walks back, jumps off the wall, and waits at the door. The butcher watches as a big guy opens the door, and starts laying into the dog, really yelling at him.

The butcher runs up and stops the guy. "What the heck are you doing?

This dog is a genius. He could be on TV, for Heaven's sake!" To which the guy responds, "Clever, my eye. This is the second time this week he's forgotten his key!"

Politically Correct Male Put-Downs:

He doesn't have a beer gut; he has a liquid grain storage facility.


He's not quiet or shy; he's a conversational minimalist.


He's not stupid; he's cranial developmentally challenged.


He doesn't get lost; he discovers alternative destinations.


He's not balding; he's in follicle regression.

Suspicious Women:

Sometimes women are overly suspicious of their husbands....

When Adam stayed out very late for a few nights, Eve became upset.

"You're running around with other women," she told her mate.

"Eve, honey, you're being unreasonable," Adam responded. "You know you're the only woman on earth."

The quarrel continued until Adam fell asleep, only to be awakened by a strange pain in the chest. It was his darling Eve poking him rather vigorously about the torso.

"What do you think you're doing?" Adam demanded.

"Counting your ribs," said Eve.

God, Are You Listening?

A man was walking through a forest pondering life. He walked, pondered, walked, and pondered. He felt very close to nature and even close to God. He felt so close to God that he felt if he spoke God would listen.

So he asked, "God, are you listening?"

And God replied, "Yes my son, I am here."

The man stopped and pondered some more.

He looked towards the sky and said, "God, what is a million years to you?"

God replied, "Well my son, a second to me is like a million years to you."

So the man continued to walk and to ponder... walk and ponder...

Then he looked to the sky again and said, "God, what is a million dollars to you?"

And God replied, "My son, my son...a penny to me is like a million dollars to you. It means almost nothing to me. It does not even have a value it is so little."

The man looked down, pondered a bit and then looked up to the sky and said, "God, can I have a million dollars?"

And God replied, "In a second."

Southern Nativity Scene:

In a small Southern town there was a "Nativity Scene" that showed great skill and talent had gone into creating it. One small feature bothered me. The three wise men were wearing firemen's helmets.


Totally unable to come up with a reason or explanation, I left. At a "Quik Stop" on the edge of town, I asked the lady behind the counter about the helmets.

She exploded into a rage, yelling at me, "You Yankees never do read the Bible!"


I assured her that I did, but simply couldn't recall anything about firemen in the Bible.


She jerked her Bible from behind the counter and ruffled thru some pages, and finally jabbed her finger at a passage. Sticking it in my face she said "See, it says right here, 'The three wise man came from afar."

A Death in the Family:

A Pastor went to his church office on Monday morning and discovered a dead mule in the church yard. He called the police. Since there did not appear to be any foul play, the police referred the pastor to the health department.

They said since there was no health threat that he should call the sanitation department. The manager said he could not pick up the mule without authorization from the mayor.

Now the pastor knew the mayor and was not to eager to call him. The mayor had a bad temper and was generally hard to deal with, but the pastor called him anyway.

The mayor did not disappoint him. He immediately began to rant and rave at the pastor and finally said, "Why did you call me any way? Isn't it your job to bury the dead?"

The pastor paused for a brief prayer and asked the Lord to direct his response. Then, he replied "Yes, Mayor, it is my job to bury the dead, but I always like to notify the next of kin first!"