speaking of painful....these jokes....

Oklahoma Howdy to Shylynne,

   Help us out with some good ones. How about?
____________________


The Irishman & The Cop

A cop was interrogating a very intoxicated Irishman, who was also severely bleeding.

The officer asked, "Can you describe the person who did this to you?"

The Irishman replied, "That's what I was doing when he hit me."

Candice Cavalier Said:

We make a big deal about abortion and gay people, and we don't mind that folks are starving.  And we hail and worship folks that have money and we don't mind that they aren't feeding the poor even when they call themselves Christians.

Oklahoma Howdy to Candice Cavalier,

Who is this we you keep talking about?    An old saying would add, "Do you have a mouse in your pocket?" - Thus, qualifying the "WE".

I guess that all of us would be rich according to some third world standards, but I don't know many of those rich Christians you are talking about, and I completely reject the "Wealth Gospels" that some of the TV preachers spout.

Most of the Christians I know would be considered to be poor or lower middle class by America's standards, but they collectively manage to send food, medicine, clothes, and missionaries all over the world. I do know of several fairly rich Christians who give large amounts.

I understand that America does more than any other country in the world to help the poor and needy. Did that change? Even my little small and relatively poor church sends supplies and supports missionaries all over the world. I really don't know many rich people, and most of the normal or poor folks I know give about as generously as they can while they are trying to survive.

Candice, what category do you place yourself in? I really doubt that many of the folks here are rich. Do you want to trade computers with me, sight unseen?  

Love In Christ,
Tom

Oklahoma Howdy to Reba and Tibby,

The last I heard, they were talking about completely private rooms, as in "solitary", and the persons talks to and argues with themselves. I thought that it might be a good idea, but they've already had several major incidents of violence.  

They are now considering making it mandatory for all to wear helmets, eye protection, and rubber-padded suits. Me, I think that's a waste of good money. I would just duct-tape them to the wall.  

Love In Christ,
Tom

Sojourner,

Make that a second from me. We can agree to disagree. One would have to ignore most of the New Testament to believe in salvation requiring works, and that would certainly include the favorite books quoted from the works and self-righteousness folks. You have to actually read those books before you can understand them.

I've wasted my time, but I'll leave you with one parting thought:  if you are looking for self-righteousness, you don't have any.

Tom

[I'm shocked - there is almost nothing but filth even during early prime-time when many children are still up. I'm an adult, but I don't wish to watch that garbage.]

Oklahoma Howdy to All,

Tornadoes, straight winds, severe thunderstorms, hail, and flash floods have been working pretty hard to tear up Oklahoma for about the last 10 days.  As a result, I've been watching weather warnings and watches on our local ABC Affiliate. I'm shocked - there is almost nothing but filth even during early prime-time when many children are still up. I'm an adult, but I don't wish to watch that garbage.

I learned a secret a couple of years ago. I got a Direct TV Satellite Channel Package, and a lot of the basic channels are completely clean. We can most definitely vote with what we buy, what we watch, and what we boycott. My wife and I belong to several organizations who use mass email to complain to advertisers about the shows they sponsor, and it works. If the advertisers don't cooperate, we quit buying their products. Several of the organizations have memberships in the millions, so they do listen to us.

Satellite is cheaper and much cleaner than cable. There's also a massive Christian network headed West from the East Coast. It is getting rave reviews and should eventually give Christians all over the country a chance to sign up and completely turn off the big boys with all of the money and dirt.

Love In Christ,
Tom  

Free Christian Wallpaper

At Christians Unite

http://wallpaper.christiansunite.com/[/b]

WELCOME TO THE ChristiansUnite free Christian wallpaper. Images here are free for your personal use as wallpaper, or on your web site. All images are available in three sizes. Select the corresponding link below the image you want to download, and the full-sized image will load in a new window.

We will be adding more wallpaper images in the days and weeks to come, so bookmark this site, and check back again.

Categories[/b]

Animals (3) Free Christian wallpaper of animals. Wild animals, fierce and lovely creatures.

Birds (2) Free Christian wallpaper featuring birds. The fowl of the air. Eagles and more.

Christmas (2) Free Christian wallpaper featuring Christmas images. The birth of Jesus, and Christmas celebrations.

Easter (2) Free Christian wallpaper featuring images of Easter. The crucifixion, and resurrection of Jesus.

Flowers (4) Free Christian wallpaper and images of flowers. Wild flowers, roses, and even some daisies.

Jesus (3) Free Christian wallpaper featuring pictures of Jesus wallpaper. Behold He cometh with clouds.

Nature (5) Free Christian wallpaper featuring images of nature. The wilderness, wild nature, and rushing water.

Patriotic (2) Free Christian wallpaper featuring patriotic images with Bible verses. One nation under God. God bless America.

Scenic (4) Free Christian wallpaper featuring scenic images. The beauty of God's creation.

Space (3) Free Christian wallpaper featuring images of space. The earth, the moon, sky and clouds.

Sunsets (4) Free Christian wallpaper featuring sunsets. Declaring the Glory of God.

Thanksgiving (6) Free Christian wallpaper featuring Thanksgiving images. Pumpkins, turkeys, and more.

Winter (3) Free Christian wallpaper featuring winter images, ice, snow, and cold.

Free Christian Wallpaper

At Christians Unite

http://wallpaper.christiansunite.com/[/b]

FREE Christians Unite Clip Art

http://clipart.christiansunite.com/[/b]

WELCOME TO THE ChristiansUnite free Christian Clipart. Images here are free for your use on web sites, newsletters, church bulletins or anywhere else you can find them useful.

Categories

10 Commandments (11)
Angels (28)
Baptism (
Bible Characters (309) *
Bibles (44)
Candles (25)
Children (6)
Choirs (27)
Christmas (470) *
Churches (39)
Communion (19)
Crosses (15)
Doves (13)
Easter (252) *
God (11)
Music (14)
People (18)
Pictures of Jesus (329) *
Prayer (12)
Praying Hands (23)
Preachers (20)
Satan (9)
Scrolls (21)
Sheep (
Shepherds (
Thanksgiving (103) *
Victorian (35)
Worship (


FREE Christians Unite Clip Art

http://clipart.christiansunite.com/[/b]

Christians Unite FREE Classified Ads

http://www.christiansunite.com/classifieds/[/b]

Browse Ads

WELCOME to the ChristiansUnite.com classifieds! Feel free to post an ad if you wish, and come back again and see how we progress!

To view the ads, choose a category below and click the View Ads button. Or use the search box to search all the ads by keyword.

Placing an ad in the ChristiansUnite.com free Christian Classified Ads is quick and easy. And you can change your ad later if you wish, or delete it altogether. We hope you will return from time to time and check the new ads.

Please note that we do not accept any ads for get-rich-quick schemes, or multi-level markting, and they will be deleted immediately. Please enter your ad in the one most applicable category only. Spamming will result in your ad being deleted altogether.

Choose from any of the following categories: Announcements, Business Services, Computer Related, Education, Financial, Jobs Available, Jobs Wanted, Merchandise, Free Stuff, Wanted, Music & Video, Real Estate, Personal Ads, or Other.

Christians Unite FREE Classified Ads

http://www.christiansunite.com/classifieds/[/b]

Christian Articles
Sermons & Writings!

http://articles.christiansunite.com/[/b]

       WELCOME TO THE NEW articles section at ChristiansUnite.com! This entire section will house 1000's of free online sermons, Christian articles, peoms, letters and other spiritual writings from many preachers, past and present. Most materials are in the public domain and can be freely copied and printed. This section was done only by the grace of God and the help of SermonIndex.net.

Database contains 2014 articles from 113 preachers



Featured Article
Sinking Ship - Does Jesus Care?
By Alan Redpath

That is the question we asked, no doubt, in s spirit of complaint. "If you loved us, Lord, then rescue us." How soon they began to doubt Him! How soon they were ready to rebel, even though they called Him Master! . . . "Does God care? If He does, why doesn't He rescue me? The waves are beating upon the ship of my life and it is full, and He knows I cannot take much more of this. Master, carest Thou not that we are perishing?" . . . There is n ...read more

Featured Preachers

A.W. Pink (127)
A.W. Tozer (69)
Alan Redpath (
Andrew Bonar (119)
Andrew Murray (246)
Art Katz (26)
Charles G. Finney (81)
D.L. Moody (19)
E.M. Bounds (66)
George H. Warnock (58)
George Mueller (10)
George Whitefield (59)
Horatious Bonar (111)
J. Hudson Taylor (12)
Jessie Penn Lewis (38)
John Bunyan (21)
John Fletcher (
John Owen (1)
John Wesley (10)
Jonathan Edwards (1)
Leonard Ravenhill (5)
Reuben Archer Torrey (26)
Richard Owen Roberts (1)
Robert Murray MCheyne (35)
Smith Wigglesworth (18)
T. Austin-Sparks (203)
Thomas Newberry (17)
Vance Havner (3)
William Law (1)[/b]

http://articles.christiansunite.com/

Oklahoma Howdy to Bronzesnake,

Brother, I think that you showed amazing patience. One year experts on the Holy Bible would have to know almost everything there is to know.  

I've been studying the Holy Bible for over 50 years, and I learn something new every time I open it. That would be numerous times per day. I think that a detail by detail study of the Holy Bible would take about 500 years, so I'm just going to do what I can.  

Love In Christ,
Tom

The Movies:

A man lay sprawled across three entire seats in the posh theater.

When the usher came by and noticed this, he whispered to the man, "Sorry, sir, but you're only allowed one seat."

The man groaned but didn't budge.

The usher became impatient. "Sir, if you don't get up from there I'm going to have to call the manager."
Again, the man just groaned, which infuriated the usher who turned and marched briskly back up the aisle in search of his manager. In a few moments, both the usher and the manager returned and stood over the man. Together the two of them tried repeatedly to move him, but with no success.
Finally, they summoned the police.

The cop surveyed the situation briefly then asked, "All right buddy, what's your name?"

"Sam," the man moaned.

"Where ya from, Sam?"

With pain in his voice Sam replied "... the balcony."

Blonde Calls 911

A blonde phoned police to report that thieves had been in her car. "They've stolen the dashboard, the steering wheel, the brake pedal, even the accelerator," she cried out.

However, before the police investigation could start, the phone rang a second time and the same voice came over the line. "Never mind, I got in the back seat by mistake."

Fill Up:

A lady was filling her tank at a gas station, smoking a cigarette, even though all the signs say not to. The fumes that came out of the gas tank ignited, severely burning her hands.

But it also lit up her arm, too!

Instead of rolling on the ground to put it out, she panicked. She took off running down the street.
A police car was at the intersection where it happened and he tried to stop her to put out her arm, but she just kept running and screaming. All the officer could think of doing was to shoot her. This took everyone by surprise. The officer ran over to her and put the fire out, then called for an ambulance.

When questioned about his course of action to stop her, the officer said, "My only thought was to stop her. After all, she was waving a fire-arm."

     Dreamweaver - I might have a few more groaners.

______________________

(Groan)
The Tourist

A tourist asks a man in uniform, "Are you a policeman?"

"No, I am an undercover detective."

"So why are you in uniform?"

"Today is my day off."

Oklahoma Howdy to Sincereheart,

Each person may have a range of Christian music styles that they enjoy, and the time or place may have something to do with their choices (i.e. church, home).

I've never listened to Christian punk rock, so I wouldn't have a clue what that is. Of course, I haven't listened to non-Christian punk rock either. I think that I've listened to what the kids call heavy metal a couple of times. I don't know what to say about that.      I may never be the same again.  

My list of Christian music that I like is rather large and old fashioned: in a range from the soft and reverent hymns, on to the wonderful sound of a grand piano solo, through the barbershop style quartets, on to the extra beat of Southern Gospel, and into the joyful noise of Bluegrass Gospel. I've enjoyed some of what most people call contemporary Christian music, but I always go back to the older styles. Most of my favorites usually involve some rhythm, a little bit of a beat, some harmony, and a variety of instruments that all blend together for a joyful noise to the Lord. Some of my favorite instruments are the paino, violin, bass fiddle, several types of guitars, and some percussion in the background. You add some pretty human voices in harmony for the finishing touches and have some good, old fashioned Gospel music.

Love In Christ,
Tom