Hi, I am a new mother well not real new but a mother of an 8month 5 week baby girl shes wonderful and brings so much happiness to my life. My daughter is definetly the joy of my life and brings me so much happiness, I am currently in a relationship that is pretty much on the rocks, alot of things I just lied to or been lied to about with him. I use to be so on fire for God and see that my walk is diminshing day by day Itry and try but only to be disouraged,I think alot of the times I am my worse enemy, My fiance excepted God in his life, but he's not walking it out, he barely ever attends church I found being with him trying to stay focused and on trakc feels like its pointless, only to not get a partner who can help you along the way becomes discourgaing. I feel like I was holding my self accountable for just my walk, and then trying to help him with his, we've had differences of oppionion with premaritial sex, and now you can see I have a wonderful baby, and living before were married. I feel like all this is a punishment to me disobeying God, and because of this, I have to continue to suffer, at times I feel like God is loving and also brings about this guilt along with, we know whats right and wrong and if we dont do what he says then we bring this humilty of shame and hurt and frustration because we've disobeyed him, At times i feel like Job, when I was doing things right I was getting hit left and right, and then tare of my clothes and want to beat myself silly, because I just dont understand.At times I feel like whats the point of me tryin to serve the lord if I am going to only disobey him, why even cry and ask for forgivenss only to sin against him. I just recentl ypostponed my wedding, because my relationship is not what I ever intended, theres promises and promises made on his end but no change, I feel like I am the only person taking responsibilty for this relationhsip and trying new things only for them to be suppressed I feel like my only out will be just to mive out and maybe somethings will make sense out of all this, and maybe the guilt of sin and just not doing right will make things better. I am really out all hope and faith for my relationship and even at times wonder if I will ever be the person I once was before I got here. Any help or advice will be great